[JillyanMoonchild]

I'm jillyan I'm 20 years years old and I've diagnosed myself with boarderline. My therapist said it was too early to tell, my psychiatrist said it's possible but I haven't been officially diagnosed. I feel so alone and afraid. Everyone is scared of me. People push me away so much. I don't know who I can trust but I'm so desperate for love attention and affection I will open up to anyone who will listen. But no one wants to deal with me. One therapist told me I needed to go to an eating disrobe treatment center or else she couldn't see me anymore. I gave her a hard time about it but I eventually admitted myself. But she left me anyways because I was too clingy and she couldn't handle my emotions. I got kicked out of the program because I'm not allowed to call staff on the weekends and I did because I needed help with my meal plan. And apparently they don't owe me any sort of warning or anything they just feel creeped out by me calling and being so attached to the dietician they just want me out as soon as possible. So now I have my therapist who doesn't do anything but talk to me. And my psychiatrist who does nothing but talk about physical symptoms and meds. I have cheer team full of girls who are uncomfortable, afraid, offended, angry and skeptical of me. I have my sister and 2 cousins who are all my best friends but I don't feel comfortable talking with either of them about my issues. I'm just scared of myself and I don't know what to so with my self. I'm scared of everything. Mostly failure. I want to be invisible. I don't want to die I just don't want to do life anymore. Someone please talk to me. Be my friend. Help me. Please. :'(

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by JillyanMoonchild

I'm jillyan I'm 20 years years old and I've diagnosed myself with boarderline. My therapist said it was too early to tell, my psychiatrist said it's possible but I haven't been officially diagnosed. I feel so alone and afraid. Everyone is scared of me. People push me away so much. I don't know who I can trust but I'm so desperate for love attention and affection I will open up to anyone who will listen. But no one wants to deal with me. One therapist told me I needed to go to an eating disrobe treatment center or else she couldn't see me anymore. I gave her a hard time about it but I eventually admitted myself. But she left me anyways because I was too clingy and she couldn't handle my emotions. I got kicked out of the program because I'm not allowed to call staff on the weekends and I did because I needed help with my meal plan. And apparently they don't owe me any sort of warning or anything they just feel creeped out by me calling and being so attached to the dietician they just want me out as soon as possible. So now I have my therapist who doesn't do anything but talk to me. And my psychiatrist who does nothing but talk about physical symptoms and meds. I have cheer team full of girls who are uncomfortable, afraid, offended, angry and skeptical of me. I have my sister and 2 cousins who are all my best friends but I don't feel comfortable talking with either of them about my issues. I'm just scared of myself and I don't know what to so with my self. I'm scared of everything. Mostly failure. I want to be invisible. I don't want to die I just don't want to do life anymore. Someone please talk to me. Be my friend. Help me. Please. :'(

first i would try to at least talk to your best friends there, feel them out and let out little bits at a time....also it is probably time for another T, obviously we can't expect them to be on call 24/7 (though i would love it if my t was on call like that..he's super cool) but to not see you because of an eating disorder???

we are a great big family here & none of us are afraid so feel free to talk to all of us anytime, this place has been a huge help for me, i struggle with BPD and mine is quite severe...most of the symptoms have been "under control" as much as they can be the last 2 months..but i'm on here every day & it helps me a lot, i did some yard work yesterday for the first time in months..it used to be so bad i could hardly concentrate on anything & my relationship woes were tearing me apart! i was literally losing it...so we all know and understand..talk to us..we are here for you.

so with that being said, if you feel(which i think is the case) that your T isn't getting it done for you...FIRE THEM...get another T..i got damn lucky and got a good one on the first draw, a good T makes all the difference, you have to be able to talk about everything to them..it's the only way we can get better..deal with our inner demons and get them out, dig them out & be what we can ultimately be.

i do hope this helps & welcome to PC!

[JillyanMoonchild]

I have a male therapist right now but we just talk. I was looking for another female therapist that can be more productive with me. She's the one who said I needed more help then she could give me..referred me to the outpatient center then ditched me. I like that my current T is available basically 24/7 and isn't afraid of me. I want another therapist but I don't want to stop seeing him.