[porcelain_pain]

Anyone else here?

Not in the "I smoke a lot of weed to cope with things and it helps me chill out" kind of way, but the "My relationship with weed is to toxic that I really need to quit and can't" kind of way. BPD is also a big aspect of my overall mood cycles and my addiction problems...I hope some of us who are in the same situation can connect. I really feel alone/isolated in this. I feel like I always write in an almost standoffish-way when I'm on this board cause there's always something nagging me in the back of my mind (MJ).

Clearly I haven't been embracing an opportunity to come out about this and get support, even online. Funny thing is, I facilitate a support group for people with mood disorders and substance abuse (concurrent). I even facilitated one today and had smoked some weed earlier in the day. I feel even possibly triggered into using because of the support group.

I definitely have polysubstance addiction problems. Right now I haven't done any hard drugs in about 6 weeks but I'm like, wow, I'm getting so stoned all the time that it doesn't even matter. I just got this awesome new job, and I got stoned before I went in today and wasn't exactly prepared, and just felt so timid/ridiculous/stupid. Like everyone was looking at me like I'm a ****ing lunatic, you know?

Would love to meet and talk to anyone else in the same boat and do some mutual supporting.

Porcelain

[June155]

I don't have a problem with weed, but I'm constantly balancing on the edge of an addiction with alcohol and at times even with cocaïne... Right now I'm doing pretty well (haven't been drunk in 1 week, which is a real accomplishment for me.) If you ever want to talk, you can always PM me :-).

[constantlikethesea]

I suffer BPD, complex PTSD, severe anxiety and Depression, and am in a serious relationship with weed! I use it as a crutch for my anxiety, I wouldn't say I have an addiction... cause if I don't feel like it I don't have it for a few days or more! But I use as a substitute for Valium, I find due to my high anxiety, it doesn't have the same effect it seems to have on my friends! I'm currently unable to work at the moment due to my therapy, but you sound like you are in a sticky situation running a group while you are suffering at the same time! Wish I had some advice to offer! Maybe think of what would you say to yourself if you were sitting across from yourself in your group? Personally I don't find (MJ) to be a problem that affects my day to day life (mostly no one picks up that I'm high)
With the trigger part, I feel more like smoking if someone has spoken about it.

It's what makes you beautiful, so fists into the lips of fashion - Amanda Palmer

I've been struggling with weed for a few years now. I've tried unsuccessfully to quit but I can't. Still working on it. I have managed to switch to all vape though.
Here if you need to talk.

[blackmagic]

Me too. I use nearly every day, or want to. I feel like a different person: I can smile, laugh at myself, sing goofy songs, and forget about spiraling out of control and into anxiety. I understand the craving and the need, but come into conflict with those in my life who want me to be less reliant on it.

I hate having to be incognito with people I trust. When found out, it usually leads to a fight, but a lot of the time they don't even know that I'm high.

I prefer it to alcohol. Weed keeps me grounded, Alcohol makes me feel disconnected and gives me headaches. Yesterday I was told that I'm happier when I drink bourbon as opposed to when I smoke, but guess what: I'd secretly smoked before the bourbon. Lay on the guilt.

[BeautifulDisaster67]

I struggle a lot with pot as well. I'm trying so hard to recover from addiction to other drugs, but can't stop smoking weed...

[lynn808]

I agree with black magic....it helps me function better...have smoked daily and more for more years than I care to say.....well over 30....closer to 40 now....I cant stop. I have stopped for short times.. up yto a year or so a few times, but it is part of me. by b/f doesn't understand me at all and judges me because of this. he says he will never marry me til I stop but he doesn't know that I cant stop. guess I will be single for 17 or more years again...lol...oh poor stoned me...yikes....did I say that??

[shezbut]

((((Porcelain)))) and all of the others who use drugs,

I can understand very well. I do not use drugs anymore ~ I did through my childhood and teenage years, and then I switched methods of making myself feel better. It's still a crutch. A meaningless high to most other people (and sometimes to myself) ~ but one that I sure as hell do NOT want to give up!!

It's always something ~ always. That "'thing" could be weed, alcohol, money, sex, etc. Whatever it is....where there is a will, there is a way. Some things are more socially acceptable than others. What matters is the intensity level. And we, my friends, are pretty freaking intense. That's our problem.......

I've had periods of time that I could do without a release of some kind, but I've never been without for very long. Don't know if that helps any of you feel less alone or more doomed, sorry if it's the latter of the two. Really!

Originally Posted by porcelain_pain

Anyone else here?

Not in the "I smoke a lot of weed to cope with things and it helps me chill out" kind of way, but the "My relationship with weed is to toxic that I really need to quit and can't" kind of way. BPD is also a big aspect of my overall mood cycles and my addiction problems...I hope some of us who are in the same situation can connect. I really feel alone/isolated in this. I feel like I always write in an almost standoffish-way when I'm on this board cause there's always something nagging me in the back of my mind (MJ).

Clearly I haven't been embracing an opportunity to come out about this and get support, even online. Funny thing is, I facilitate a support group for people with mood disorders and substance abuse (concurrent). I even facilitated one today and had smoked some weed earlier in the day. I feel even possibly triggered into using because of the support group.

I definitely have polysubstance addiction problems. Right now I haven't done any hard drugs in about 6 weeks but I'm like, wow, I'm getting so stoned all the time that it doesn't even matter. I just got this awesome new job, and I got stoned before I went in today and wasn't exactly prepared, and just felt so timid/ridiculous/stupid. Like everyone was looking at me like I'm a ****ing lunatic, you know?

Would love to meet and talk to anyone else in the same boat and do some mutual supporting.

Porcelain

I don't know if you have already but you might want to also post this in the addictions forum, even though it doesn't cater to bpd it does to the addictions themselves. just a suggestion.