[Dewbot]

She showed up in my Kik list with a new username that is based on the fact that she's with someone else. This was last night. I still feel useless.

I have someone that desperately wants to be with me at all costs and all I want to do is push her away.

Why?

[glok]

Hello, Dewbot. Why do you think you do it?

[Dewbot]

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, Dewbot. Why do you think you do it?

I know it's because I'm drawn to people as broken or as vulnerable as I am, or at least that what my present (and most trusted) therapist says. I know that because my life has been chaos I feel most comfortable in chaos, and the relationship I had with the last girl was toxic... which made it appealing to me. The present "relationship" is too perfect, so something must be wrong, right?

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Dewbot

I know it's because I'm drawn to people as broken or as vulnerable as I am, or at least that what my present (and most trusted) therapist says. I know that because my life has been chaos I feel most comfortable in chaos, and the relationship I had with the last girl was toxic... which made it appealing to me. The present "relationship" is too perfect, so something must be wrong, right?

I totally get that....in my life I always end up the 'fixer' and if someone doesn't seem broken enough to me, I'm rarely if ever interested. I try to avoid gravitating to relationships where I'm the bearer of needed salvation, because I always get hurt in the end, but I'll be honest...it's very difficult.

At this juncture, I just try to keep to myself, and have avoided any 'love' type relationships...it's safer for me, doesn't leave me gutted when I finally realize I can't save them and I'm losing myself in the attempt. Maybe, concentrating more on yourself would be helpful (although I'm sure your T already suggested that)

Best I can do is tell you you're not alone, that others (including myself) experience just what you are....

Take care

[Dewbot]

Yeah, I'm trying to avoid "love" type relationships, but I'm codependent and I know it. One of my long term goals in therapy is to stop relationship hopping. My therapist knows that it's almost an addiction for me and that it's a negative coping skill, so it's not really a short term goal, but more of a long term goal. I've been doing my best to not get involved, especially online, but... ugh. I can't stand being alone.

The weirdest part about it is that even though I can't stand being alone I'm just never happy in a normal relationship. It absolutely has to have turbulence. Yeah, I'm crazy.

Thank you for the support though. It makes me feel not so messed up.

[Fuzzybear]