[spacegeek1]

Today I felt the urge to hurt myself.
I have had quite a good day, but in a meeting at work, somebody said I was outstanding at something, but it is widely known that others at my level are resistant to this work, just routine stuff. Anyway there was a slight joke and, as is usual for me I felt like running away, but also happy with the cudos.
I was left with a horrible feeling of being an idiot, and that everyone thinks I am a joke at best.
I hate feeling like this and that some people think I am the class swat or something.
I guess this triggered school issues, but the intensity of feeling has caught me out, and I suddenly felt a need to bring myself back to normality by punishing myself.
Praise confuses the hell out of me!
I always feel out of touch with peers, but have never worked out how to be 'one of them'.
I ofren feel out of touch with people on PC aswell.
Help

[Verity81]

Hey when feelings get overwhelming and you are having urges to hurt yourself use Distress Tolerance skills. I use distraction mostly. Get into something you can get absorbed in.
Are you in DBT? You can look up a lot of the skills online.

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[Kimaya]

Yes, find something to help you soothe... some hold ice, but that can be impractical at work. For me, at work I have this clay stuff that you make dolls out of on my desk (sculpy). I find smooshing it helps a lot especially if I've made something out of it - of course then I might be sad I ruined it, but better that than something else... also ripping large amounts of paper, and throwing it away.

Also, in a less destructive vein, having a soft furry thing to hold helps me too... LOL. Like a bit of faux fur/fake rabbit foot. Someone here mentioned using a nice smelling lotion which I am going to try also. Have to find the right smell.

Anyway, I know how you feel... I am usually like middle of the pack/mediocre at my job, even though I am usually much more capable than some of my peers. I am an underachiever. Sometimes when I get kudos my first response to it is Why?!? Its not good enough.... often I will say something self deprecating/joke to cope with the anxiety of the moment. This is something I am trying to stop doing though and accept my kudos with grace even if I don't feel it.

If you can, next time plan ahead of what you might say should you get a compliment. You will be surprised how having a statement ready will help with the immediate fear. And remember, work ethic is something to be proud of. If others shirk those duties as being menial, well and good for them at their other tasks, but you have a greater sense of responsibility, so take that at face value.

[spacegeek1]

Thankyou verity81 and kamaya.
I do use my tablet as distraction generally, and am currently going it alone, without therapy. This took me by surprise though, and reminded me of past experiences.
I like the idea of clay modelling, though I'll probably try play doh.
I'll see how the next few weeks go at work, as there are a few potentially tricky meetings coming up, and sitting on reactions is v. difficult.
Thanks also for the work ethic bit.
Should feel good I guess.