***Trigger*** My H just saw my fresh SI

He's mad. I feel ashamed that I started cutting again after so many years SI free. I wish I had been more careful. The hem of my shorts was raised. He saw the cuts on my leg. He said angrily, "If you're going to hide them (jerking down my shorts towards my knee) then keep them hidden."

Now I just want to cut...

I'm sorry. I've been in similar situations before and I know it sucks.

He is angry because it hurts to see you hurting youself. I also am angry when my friends do it and my friends are angry to me but its because we care.
My ex boyfriend cut hisself and i felt like he doesnt feel happy with me and i felt hurted and angry how could he do this.
How would you react if he did it? What reaction did you wait from him?

And please dont hurt youself anymore

I did think more about it when I went for my evening walk. I did not want him to know so I didn't want any reaction, though maybe I would've said, "You're having a harder time than I thought." I also remembered my H cutting himself once or twice to see what it was like when he was really down or anxious. I wasn't around but he showed me later. I thought it was stupid to do seeing that I was having a difficult time stopping. Why risk the addiction? I think he wanted me to know what it was like in his shoes.

Whatever. He didn't say anything else to me about it last night, but then we don't talk much lately.

If you don't feel up to dealing with this more proactively then i would carry on as 'normally' as possible, remain civil but focused on yourself and what you need to be getting on with it. This might give him the space to broach the subject again and when he does you can state calmly but firmly that a) you won't tolerate him yanking at your clothes and b) unless he has something constructive and/or supportive to say on the subject you'd prefer him not to comment at all.

Ball's in his court then

Thank you for that advise. So far things are civil and he hasn't mentioned it again. I am behaving "normally" but if it does come up I will try my best to stand up for myself.

I am sorry he was so angry and to me, handled it inappropriately, which in turn made you become triggered again. Please don't SI anymore, talk to us.

What happened to make you SI again?

It has been four days since I last did it. It had been 3 months and before that, over a year. I became obsessed with my T again. Things had been dormant and then just erupted again. I think it was seeing him on one day for my 3 month appointment and then running into him at the grocery store released the flood gates. I know I'm mixing metaphors. :roll eyes: So I started a mild form of stalking him again, felt unbelievable guilt, contacted him too much in a crazy way which led me right back to SI. Now I'm seeing him every other week to work on this. I hate that if I start to see him more I become more attached but I feel like I need his guidance on how to better live with BPD.

Thanks for the