[BokChoy]

hey all,

The dissociation due to this illness is crippling me. Though i have other traits and behaviors of BPD which often run rampant, but this feeling is really disturbing to me. Now i know to some point all of us daydream, i know i started very young. And i know due to an abusive upbringing i would just escape into my own little world. I remember thinking at 15 that i would grow out of it when I was older. I am now 26 and i am constantly living in my head. I dont know i guess its somewhere that i can be who i want and have what i want and everyone loves me. When I was younger I had control over when i day deamed or "escaped", now it just feels like i have no control at all. I lose gaps of time and i dont know what happen. Like yesterday I went to KFC , stopped at the first window ordered then paid. Then i drove straight past the second window not collecting my food and i didnt realize until i pulled up in my driveway. I was so embaresed i couldnt go back and get my dinner so i had a can of tuna and a cigarette . These kind of things are happening all the time, ill find myself somwhere and not know what it is i am meant to be doing. I was just wondering if many other people have experiences like this, do you find it hard to stay in reality ?

Anyway thanks for reading

[Questforinnerpeace]

I have always been able to escape and live in my own little world. I have done the same sort of thing, too - forgotten to pick up food at the drive-thru window, or get the cash back that I had requested at the grocery store, then had to return to get it. I always thought it was because I have ADHD, but maybe it is part of my dissociation. I can escape into my own head, go anywhere, become anyone, just sort of float away. Is it like that for you?

[Gartez]

I often wonder where being like this is going to lead me, I'd worry about it more but worrying's too much in the here and now - ironic. Whenever there's something I can't control I just find myself slipping away to somewhere less complicated. Life can never live up to it and the disappointment drives me a little further.

Originally Posted by BokChoy

hey all,

The dissociation due to this illness is crippling me. Though i have other traits and behaviors of BPD which often run rampant, but this feeling is really disturbing to me. Now i know to some point all of us daydream, i know i started very young. And i know due to an abusive upbringing i would just escape into my own little world. I remember thinking at 15 that i would grow out of it when I was older. I am now 26 and i am constantly living in my head. I dont know i guess its somewhere that i can be who i want and have what i want and everyone loves me. When I was younger I had control over when i day deamed or "escaped", now it just feels like i have no control at all. I lose gaps of time and i dont know what happen. Like yesterday I went to KFC , stopped at the first window ordered then paid. Then i drove straight past the second window not collecting my food and i didnt realize until i pulled up in my driveway. I was so embaresed i couldnt go back and get my dinner so i had a can of tuna and a cigarette . These kind of things are happening all the time, ill find myself somwhere and not know what it is i am meant to be doing. I was just wondering if many other people have experiences like this, do you find it hard to stay in reality ?

Anyway thanks for reading

I was talking about this today with my new T. Although it was in reference to narcissism.

When she asked if I could identify any narcissistic traits I said that I would probably go with the grandiose fantasies.

It's just so much nicer in there. No one can hurt me.

Besides, what's the point of fantasizing if you're just gonna be yourself?

Losing time is always scary though.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

Losing time is always scary though.

Yes, it is. Always. Reminds me of drunken black outs. There was a time when after being reminded of something I'd done, or said, that I claimed (with a laugh) that I had been drunk and probably blacked out.

I was too ashamed to admit I was stone cold sober, and had just lost another chunk of time.

[Kimaya]

I am an artist, and a storyteller. I have this whole world in my head that for me is where I go when I just want to not be wherever I am.

People at work who are like browsing Facebook, reading a book between calls, chatting or whatever will sometimes ask me if I am ok, when I am staring at my screen (through it). Usually I get annoyed they interrupted my story building.

Never blacked out though! Sounds pretty scary. I do have a parent who went through a severe prolonged period of dissociation though, almost catatonic.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by BokChoy

hey all,

The dissociation due to this illness is crippling me. Though i have other traits and behaviors of BPD which often run rampant, but this feeling is really disturbing to me. Now i know to some point all of us daydream, i know i started very young. And i know due to an abusive upbringing i would just escape into my own little world. I remember thinking at 15 that i would grow out of it when I was older. I am now 26 and i am constantly living in my head. I dont know i guess its somewhere that i can be who i want and have what i want and everyone loves me. When I was younger I had control over when i day deamed or "escaped", now it just feels like i have no control at all. I lose gaps of time and i dont know what happen. Like yesterday I went to KFC , stopped at the first window ordered then paid. Then i drove straight past the second window not collecting my food and i didnt realize until i pulled up in my driveway. I was so embaresed i couldnt go back and get my dinner so i had a can of tuna and a cigarette . These kind of things are happening all the time, ill find myself somwhere and not know what it is i am meant to be doing. I was just wondering if many other people have experiences like this, do you find it hard to stay in reality ?

Anyway thanks for reading

i dissasociate a lot, i have just gotten used to it, the other day i left my house and forgot to lock my front door

fortunately i wasn't gone long but i try to watch myself and double check things a lot now & try to stay present as best i can