Interpreting Social Group Dynamics

My next engineering class is tomorrow night.. I'm going to try to sit in another part of the room.

I'm also having an issue with someone in my Monday night calc class. There are only 4 of us in the class. and he's made a point of just being disrespectful to me. Our instructor does like to tease.. and she picks on different people in the class about different things at different times, I get the sense that she doesn't play favorites, but this guy appears to be singling me out... And I find it may be difficult to get away from him. again, I feel like reacting, but that response has gotten me into trouble in the past.

I wonder if my main problem in groups is that I can be very opinionated. I like sharing my opinions... I know they aren't perfect.. and sometimes I just say things to be silly... it's interesting how this habit of mine can turn people around me into assholse... or perhaps it is more accurate to admit that it is just something I do, and that also happens to reveal the assholse in any crowd.

shakespeare47, Given that you are having social issues in both classes, makes me think you are a very sensitive individual. Definitely your reactions to these people may be adding fuel to the fire. I hope moving away from the person in your engineering class helps. Try being neutral/indifferent to the comments of the person from your calculus class. I know you will want to respond, but try to just ignore his disrespectful comments. Remember your main focus is to learn.

I do set myself up at times. I like being the center of attention, but I can also be sensitive to criticism.

I'd love to develop a stand-up routine.

I'm still hanging out in the secret facebook page from time to time, but haven't met face to face with them since 9/28. I find I don't miss them much.

R.B. is just a nasty person. There are no 2 ways about it. I almost laughed when she told me that a neighbor has a problem with her because she (R.B) is an atheist. I wanted to tell her "the reason your neighbor has a problem with you is because you're a nasty person." She just rudely proclaims that her way of looking at the world is the right one, and she knows that she is right, because she says it loudly and angrily, and no one would dare argue with her.

Her responses on facebook are almost always just mean. She tears people down. and it's obvious she has a hard time accepting other points of view. I don't know how the hell she got to be the leader of one of the groups. I've heard story after story of how she has offended people to such an extent that they never come back to her group. One person I know closed her facebook because of R.B.

Last week's philosophy club went well. J.K. was there, but L.B. couldn't make it. We covered the first chapter of a book on free will. The author is attempting to convince us that, yes, we do live in a deterministic universe, but, yes, we also have free will, and to believe otherwise could result in bad things(hopelessness, not holding people responsible for their actions) happening.

I was able to pick J.K.'s brain on which of the ancient philosophers was important to read. He suggested familiarizing myself with Socrates and his counterexamples.

I moved across the room, and my engineering class went a lot better. My instructor is confused about significant digits and is giving us inaccurate information. I'm not sure if I want to take the time to correct him.

shakespeare47, I'm glad moving your seat helped. You could speak to your instructor privately. You would have to be very careful with how you phrased your concerns. He is your instructor and you do not want to get on his bad side, as it could effect your grades. Sadly, sometimes it is better to let things slide.

After I posted, I emailed my instructor and shared my thoughts on the matter. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. I did choose my words carefully.

Re: the significant figures issues. I got a response late last night. He admitted he was wrong, and was pretty cool about it.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. My wife and I took our 5 year old son to a birthday party for 2 twin girls. He was the only boy among the 8 kids attending.

I love and hate interacting socially. I'm always judging others, and live in fear of being judged by others. I did enjoy just watching my son have a good time, and we ended up staying for 3 hours.

Things are going okay.... people still get to me from time to time... but, my reactions are very minor....

R.B. still pushes my buttons on the Facebook page from time to time.... but, she's got issues...

shakespeare47, That's great that you have managed to tone down your reactions when other people "push your buttons".

There is something that bothers me. Back when I first started attending the group with R.B. as leader, I mentioned attending a Unitarian Universalist church. For anyone who knows much about them, they're atheist friendly. The church I attended was about 1/3 self-professed atheist (by show of hands).
The UU"s are basically a non-Christian religion based on Judeo Christian traditions. It's a religion, but religion light. There is no need for salvation, because according to them God will reconcile everyone to Himself (universal reconciliation), and even that's a little odd, because they don't even claim to know that God exists. The UU's have a lot of respect for all world religions, and I can respect that attitude.

Anyway, R.B. had a very strong reaction, and claimed the UU church was teaching lies. It was bizarre. I think she just assumes all churches are the same in that they teach that you must believe in God or be condemned to hell. She obviously is ignorant about what they really teach.

What bothered me, is that I defended my decision to attend the church to R.B. Why did I feel it was necessary? She's the one with the problem. I'm sorry I even brought it up with her. It's none of her business.

It's a complicated issue for me. My wife sometimes feels the need to attend a church, and if she needs me to attend a church with her? This is the church I'd attend.

Well, to give an update, I don't meet much with the original group mentioned in the OP in real life, and I don't miss them much, I do spend some time on their private facebook page, and that has been going okay.

There is a new group I've been hanging out with. It's a more rounded group in that there are Christians and non-Christians in attendance. It's labeled as a philosophy group, but mostly we just talk about our opinions about things. We vote on a different "philosophical" question each week. Last week it was "where do you see social evolution taking us?" And we talked about how our society has changed over the last 100 years or so.

Anyway, there is supposed to be no leader, we are all supposed to take turns hosting, but NB has decided that she is the leader, and most people defer to her.

I find her to be underhanded. When she has a problem with someone, her typical reaction is to accuse the other person of having a problem with her.

I confronted her on her attitude towards policemen. She literally said that there no good policemen, and that if someone is policemen, then that means they are bad people. It's a little sad, because she cares a lot about social justice issues, and from what I can tell, she does a lot of good, but I find her attitude toward policemen to be bizarre. I told her it offended me, because I personally know some policemen who are good people.

I'm experiencing deja vu. My OP relates what I'm experiencing with this group, also.
It's not the same label, but it is happening, again. I can only assume this is what commonly happens in groups.

It's really frustrating to be talking with someone, only to run up against an assumption or label that I feel I must defend myself against. But, it's never stated, so how to bring it up without sounding defensive or paranoid? It's like the longer I talk to someone, the more defensive and angry I feel, because they are treating me like they think they have got me "pegged".

Lately, I feel like I just need to say "no, I don't think I understand everything about philosophy, and no I don't think I know what the ultimate truth is on every topic".

So, basically, I just have the feeling, that instead of talking to me, some people would rather talk about me behind my back, and as a group, come up with a label, and treat me as if I was that label.

The only thing I know to do is to keep being myself, and hope they catch on.

All right. I skipped last week, as it was a holiday, but I will attend tonight.
Here are the major players....
NB, already mentioned. Somehow she has designated herself as the leader. She's bossy, and what she says usually goes, unless you want to argue with her, in which case you are acknowledging that she has some importance. I do admire her in some ways. She's tough, and she fights for people who can't fight for themselves. She's helping convicts make a new life for themselves after they're released from prison, for example. She's also an advocate for the poor and disabled.

B?- she is a former Methodist pastor. She is just as tough as NB, but quieter. I'm not sure what I think about her.

R?- a pretty smart guy. But, he's got an insincerity about him that I dislike. I feel myself getting drawn into conversations with him, and feeling increasingly defensive while he smiles. I'm not quite sure where he is coming from. He's an atheist who thinks Jesus was never really existed, but was rather a myth (this view is becoming increasingly popular among professed atheists- I think it's a load of crap).

SC- a really interesting guy. He talked a lot about his belief in the whole Ancient Aliens theory. Something I find to be laughingly bogus. But, he has a wisdom and knowledge about things that I also find appealing. He seems to listen to good arguments.

M?- He has an odd belief that all things are somehow connected spiritually. Like we can communicate with animals somehow. He sometimes talks about his theories, and has literally said "this isn't just my opinion, this is scientific". But, I have no idea why he believes this to be the case. Who says it's scientific?

C?- a self-professed grumpy person. I like her. She gives it right back to NB and C?.

A?- a quiet guy. Not sure where he is coming from. He doesn't appear to have any strong beliefs.

J?- a loudmouth ex-cop and a very outspoken atheist. He often demands to know why people believe in God.

NB quite often does some harsh teasing. Like teasing J? for driving an expensive car. She also brags about the fact that she doesn't spend much money on things like cars. She also teased me about my interest in philosophy, as if it was something I need to defend.

I feel like I'm doing pretty good myself. Things bother me less!

And hi there.

Hi Kimaya! Good to hear from you. I'm glad to hear you're doing okay.

I had a really good time at our meeting last night. I think I understand where NB is coming from after talking with her a little more last night (they sometimes go to a restaurant after the meeting, and we went to IHOP last night).
After our meeting last night I feel an affinity for all of them. I know in many ways they are just like me. They have beliefs and desires and they may not always know exactly why they believe things, but they are just humans looking for a way to make sense of the world.

But J? does have some odd beliefs. He told us last night that there is scientific evidence that prayer heals people, and that if a group of people believe something, then that belief can make it reality. And also said that he saw a man with no legs completely healed (he grew new legs). He also said there was scientific evidence that ESP is a reality.
A few of us challenged him to provide some evidence. I'd really like to see the scientific evidence for his claims.

This group does appear to be healthier overall, than the first group I posted about.

There is still one item of concern. A person who is only peripherally involved with the group (he is a member of our group, but only reads the yahoo groups page), and leader of a larger group said he had been reading my posts, and told me he was impressed with their quality. So, he wanted me to give a speech on critical thinking (I did post a few links to papers on critical thinking). He sounded very sincere when he asked me, and let me know what dates were open.

It feels in some ways like a setup. But, I'm going to go through with it. The speech isn't until July 31st. I both like and fear giving talks in front of people. I do look forward to doing more research on the subject, and it will be interesting to see how it turns out. Stay tuned.

I decided not to go through with it. Now he's trying to get me to agree to a public debate. I'm going to suggest an online debate instead.

Stay tuned.

I don't have a good feeling about the guy. I just want to get away from him.

The guy in question is JH. I'm afraid I'm having a real problem with him. He asks me all kinds of questions, and expects an answer, but he doesn't answer my questions. He calls me and expects me to stop and talk to him, and yet doesn't answer my emails.

He reminds me of an abusive pastor I knew a while back. And of my dad in some ways. I just want to be rid of him. If this is what it's going to be like to be involved with a group, then I'm sorry I ever got involved.

I would like to get to the place where I am centered, and nothing bothers me. But, I'm not there. Perhaps I am just the type of person who should avoid groups.

The shame of it is that he doesn't attend my Monday night group, be he seems to be reacting to things I have said in the group and on the yahoo groups page.