Taking advantage my anonymous name

Hi people,
I just want now to talk a little about myself taking advantage my anonymous name and escape from the fear of judgment . Actually this is the first time to share my thoughts and feelings in a forum or any social network. I don't know why it is so hard for me to talk (even now).
I am 26 living in Egypt and I am diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. I have been diagnosed with a lot of other disorders like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Schizophrenia and depression and psychotic feature, bla bla. But I guess BPD is the true diagnosis after reading about it. I started to show psychological problems around the age 17 but I guess I suffer from problems long before this age. I used to get good school notes but also I have never had normal (comparing to people I see) relationships. You can say that I am living alone during my life.Anyway I managed to get high school notes to get into medical school but I couldn't continue and I dropped college and here I am 26 and cannot have a university degree until now.
There has been always something in my head that should be solved. It is like there is a question that is inevitable, that you cannot live without finding a solution for it. It has been always the case that "It is not enough", something should be done and it never ends.
After I left medical school, I have joined another faculty and even though I managed to become one of the top ranking students in the past 3 years, here I am failing again.
Last year, I have met a girl and after 2 weeks of relationship (if you can call it that), we left each other. During this period there was a lot of things in mind that I don't understand. But there was something obvious (at least now) which is fear.
I spent the past 5 months mainly living in room, Don't even want to get out. I am living with my family but still alone.
I am feeling shame now for talking about myself. But I will post this anyway.

seltsambpd, Hello and welcome to PsychCentral.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling now. From what you've written you've made a lot of accomplishments. There is no shame involved in sharing your feeling/experiences with others. That's what PsychCentral is all about!

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Hello, seltsambpd. Welcome! By all means, feel free to take advantage of your anonymity to post what you would like. You can use this thread to continue if you would like.

You're not alone, friend. Nobody is going to judge you here so please, share freely. I have no doubt that opening up will be cathartic and rewarding.

Welcome!

Hello and welcome! Do you by chance speak German?

Thank you all for your replies.
It is relieving to talk about my feeling.

I speak a little german. When I was choosing a username, I tried many names until this worked.

Ah, I see. For what it's worth, I like your username.