[misfit77]

So here's the situation...it's almost midnight and I should be asleep. But I'm all fired up/riled up about this debate going on on one of my friend's Facebook pages. I've been called opinionated (though I feel I am actually very open about debating different things as long as it's with other people who are open and respectful)...it's just I have opinions and it seems the people who disagree with me are the ones who call me opinionated (hmm). Anyway...I stayed away from this friend's post because I didn't want to show my opinion on the topic because I'm sick of people saying I'm negative, blah, blah, blah. But then I saw someone writing stuff that made me soooo angry. I can't stab what she was saying and I instantly started forming an opinion on the type of person age is and want to say all kinds of things. So I posted something (respectfully) and she wrote back with the same opinion that I feel is wrong. I didn't write back eve. Though I want to say omfg you are soooo wrong!!! I hate people like you!!! (I realize this sounds like something Tweens would be writing about but it actually was a good debate amount adults).

So anyway...now I can't sleep. I actually felt shaky I was so angry about what this person wrote (which I am actually excited about because I actually could see my anger and am now not trying to judge it). But...at the same time...I recognize I won't change this person's opinion. Why am I lying here still pisses off? Do normal people do this? In the grand scheme of life this isn't important...sleep is more important. But it's like I want to be angry...I want to hate, yell and scream. Why? Is it that subconscious anger coming to the surface? Is it a trigger from something in the past? Why can't I just look at the posts on the Facebook wall and say "what dolt...glad I don't think like her" and move on. Why do I feel the need to write on the wall and why did it make me so angry?

And...going back to my previous thought...how do I stop it? (writing about it has helped actually a lot). Something I have noticed as I have stated DBT is that I really fight with myself. When I am feeling bad it's almost like I want to feel bad. I try some DBT techniques but I feel like I want to be angry, sad etc...maybe because that's how I behaved/reacted for 37 years I guess I am used to it-it's what I know. In a way-it's comfortable. So it's hard to change.

[misfit77]

Ps-sorry for my grammar in a few spots...iPhone autocorrect and fatigue...hope my post still makes sense lol :-s

[BrliPerDis]

In truth the borderline personality disorder doesnt have a real diag. yet but its a good thing to research still i looked it up and yes childhood abuse of any kind is the big issue talking, typing, posting, texting, writing... are all great outlets especially if its true and honest from the heart... as people like us cant handle little bs situations appropriately or normally we take it out on ourselves as the main result... but blog it and say whatever and that is the start to be able to carry on cause its out, that person might not know or agree but your thoughts are out with no one to question, or mainly judge you

[Livelonginspired]

I go through stuff like this all the time and honestly, I have no solution to offer. I feel like every wrong/inaccurate thing a person says is an injustice. Why SHOULD I let it slide? Why shouldn't they have to realize and admit that they're wrong, and how come everyone is so focused on MY anger and MY argumentativeness and not on the initial wrong that was done/spoken/typed in the first place?

I honestly think it's just because I'm the easier target.

I realize that others aren't likely to change just because I want them to, so learning to control my anger is important. Not because it's the "right thing to do" or because I owe them any compassion, but because my health is important to me and I owe myself relief. I think it's reasonable for me to get angry in the first place, though. I think it's natural to be fearful and anxious upon realizing that other members of your species are completely effing clueless. Ignorance can be dangerous.

[Espresso]

I totally get what you're saying. There are some topics that people post about that make me so angry. I've been doing better at ignoring certain ones and moving on, but others are more difficult. There was one night where one guy asked a question and a bunch of people I didn't know were all spouting the same (wrong) opinion, and of course I had to correct a couple of them. I wanted to call them f***ing idiots, but I controlled myself. I was enraged though. My blood was boiling. It took my forever to calm myself down so I could finally go to bed.

[Harmacy]

Mindfulness techniques could help. Instead of trying to actively calm yourself or fight the anger, just try to take a step back and let the feelings flow through you, observing them as if they are something you have no control over like the clouds outside your window or the weather. That way you'll realize that they pass naturally and don't control you any more than you control them.

Another good thing about that technique is that by fully being in the moment and looking all those horrible thoughts and feelings in the eye, we can become more reflective and stop putting hurdles in our way and that's when the real change takes place. People who don't change are often the ones who push away the angry feelings or pretend they're not there.

I wish it was that simple in reality but it all seems to work in theory and sometimes... I manage to put it into practice

Originally Posted by Livelonginspired

I realize that others aren't likely to change just because I want them to, so learning to control my anger is important. Not because it's the "right thing to do" or because I owe them any compassion, but because my health is important to me and I owe myself relief. I think it's reasonable for me to get angry in the first place, though. I think it's natural to be fearful and anxious upon realizing that other members of your species are completely effing clueless. Ignorance can be dangerous.

Very well put ! And, that's exactly how I feel about it too

[Kimaya]

It is best to let it go - by not engaging further in the debate. I recommend the next thing you say to any of your friends be completely on another neutral topic, or just ask to agree to disagree, even be amicable about it if you are able.

Its good you are able to recognize that you can't change their mind - that is something I have struggled with for a long time. I sometimes simply can't understand how viewpoints that seem so obvious can be so different for people who have similar life patterns. Go with that feeling, be ok with it. Try the above exercise if you feel like you are up to it. Love the part of you that is smart enough to know you are right, and that it is not your failing that others cannot see how brilliant you are!

As for feeling better... The only thing that ever works for me is self-soothe in these cases. To get to sleep: klonopin (benzo) will also calm my thoughts and make me drowsy. If there is something I really want but normally shouldn't have I will have it (I like frozen treats). If that's not an available option to get something or have someone go get you something that will help, I also try cuddling with a pet or grooming them.

Again, its situational depending what works for you. But like I said, the only thing that helps short term for me is the benzo, long term: self-soothe, put the public communication away for a while, impose a short term of absence, even if it means unplugging and putting away your laptop, if possible.

I don't use facebook (except for my mom) because it is actually far far too triggering for me even when I don't engage - pics and comments alone can begin a spiral down. I don't know how any borderlines get past it unless they have only like one or two people on there.