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  #1  
Old Oct 20, 2014, 10:52 AM
danabelle danabelle is offline
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I've just been recently diagnosed with BPD and ironically I'm a psychology major.

I've always had a jealously issue, with added overbearing-ness. Up until late, I had that I was insane and super insecure-which I still think so. I have a boyfriend and have been with him for 2 years and have tried to share my feelings of other females in his life. Lately, I've been feeling threatened by a classmate of his who I had a problem with last semester. Now, somehow they ended up in the same class again. I had asked him in the beginning if had any friends in the class, etc. He disregarded to mention that she was there. Right now, I'm tempted to ask him, calmly, if there's anyway he can avoid talking to her. A couple hours ago I was so gung-ho about confronting him, now I'm afraid how he's gonna react and think out of line and insane, though I probably am. Is this a smart move? How can I cope with my ridiculous suspicions and insecurities?
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  #2  
Old Oct 20, 2014, 01:21 PM
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Pierro Pierro is offline
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You are a psychology major, surely it may help you deal with these isues. Try and look at it from his perspective, maybe that may help. You are not insane, you just feel emotions so much stronger than most people.

Best wishes
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  #3  
Old Oct 20, 2014, 02:21 PM
danabelle danabelle is offline
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Hi Pierro, I have tried to look at it from his view but I have the worst thoughts on it. From his perspective, he didn't tell me about it because there it something going on that I might worry about. How can I deal with this?
  #4  
Old Oct 20, 2014, 02:40 PM
ifst5 ifst5 is offline
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Definitely not a smart move; he's allowed to have friends and a life outside of you. So what if he's friends with this person? Unfortunately whatever your feelings towards her may be, he might find her delightful company and good friend. It's not our place to deny others that happiness just because of our own experiences.

I would suggest you seek out therapy if you're not already and learn of better ways to cope with what you rightly call your jealousy issues. All the best.
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  #5  
Old Oct 20, 2014, 02:45 PM
danabelle danabelle is offline
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Originally Posted by ifst5 View Post
Definitely not a smart move; he's allowed to have friends and a life outside of you. So what if he's friends with this person? Unfortunately whatever your feelings towards her may be, he might find her delightful company and good friend. It's not our place to deny others that happiness just because of our own experiences.

I would suggest you seek out therapy if you're not already and learn of better ways to cope with what you rightly call your jealousy issues. All the best.
Thanks I needed this. I'm so convinced in my head with all my assumptions. Does this get better over time with therapy?
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Old Oct 20, 2014, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by danabelle View Post
Thanks I needed this. I'm so convinced in my head with all my assumptions. Does this get better over time with therapy?
I freak out over small things with my husband on many many occasions. Even though I have nothing to go by, and from what you've written, nor do you have much to go by- (sorry).

I remember a month ago exploding all over my husband because of a photo of my husband with a female. That's all I could "see". And hell yeah he got angry.

It was a blinking triathlon photo with his triathlon team taken by their trainer and there were other males in the photo too but I couldn't get over the female. Oh please. What was I thinking! As if females aren't allowed to do triathlons
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Old Oct 20, 2014, 08:00 PM
danabelle danabelle is offline
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Originally Posted by Hooligan View Post
I freak out over small things with my husband on many many occasions. Even though I have nothing to go by, and from what you've written, nor do you have much to go by- (sorry).

I remember a month ago exploding all over my husband because of a photo of my husband with a female. That's all I could "see". And hell yeah he got angry.

It was a blinking triathlon photo with his triathlon team taken by their trainer and there were other males in the photo too but I couldn't get over the female. Oh please. What was I thinking! As if females aren't allowed to do triathlons
How do you cope with that? I get so mad too, and it makes me feel crazy and unhealthy. I really don't want to feel this way. I feel bad, but still super angry at certain things like this :/
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Old Oct 20, 2014, 08:47 PM
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Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is offline
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Originally Posted by danabelle View Post
How do you cope with that? I get so mad too, and it makes me feel crazy and unhealthy. I really don't want to feel this way. I feel bad, but still super angry at certain things like this :/
My anger over situations like that last a day or two and then I realise how irrational I've been.

I usually confront my husband on "suspicions" which is not healthy for him or our relationship because there's always a logical explanation and then I'm left thinking omg what was I thinking!
Thanks for this!
danabelle
  #9  
Old Oct 21, 2014, 01:14 AM
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shezbut shezbut is offline
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Originally Posted by danabelle View Post
Lately, I've been feeling threatened by a classmate of his who I had a problem with last semester. Now, somehow they ended up in the same class again. I had asked him in the beginning if had any friends in the class, etc. He disregarded to mention that she was there. Right now, I'm tempted to ask him, calmly, if there's anyway he can avoid talking to her.
I can relate, as I am very insecure as well.

While your impulse is to speak up and ask your bf about this other girl, I think that your Wise Mind is speaking up & trying to get you out of that dangerous mindset. If you haven't talked with your bf previously about your tendency to Q his devotion to you, maybe you could very lightly touch upon this subject... to simply explain th "vibes" that he's probably sensing from you.

1.) Explain that your self-esteem is a bit low (in case he hasn't already noticed )
2.) Admit that you sometimes Q your spot on his list of importance and devotion
3.) Apologize for being a pain in the rump & assure him that you are working on overcoming these negative personality tendencies ~ it just takes time. Ca the two of you exchange special hugs or words once a day for extra reassurance?

Just some ideas. Very best wishes to you both!
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  #10  
Old Oct 21, 2014, 08:45 AM
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thank you guys this thread has helped me tenfold. i feel less of a monster and more human xxx
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  #11  
Old Oct 21, 2014, 11:34 AM
danabelle danabelle is offline
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Originally Posted by shezbut View Post
I can relate, as I am very insecure as well.

While your impulse is to speak up and ask your bf about this other girl, I think that your Wise Mind is speaking up & trying to get you out of that dangerous mindset. If you haven't talked with your bf previously about your tendency to Q his devotion to you, maybe you could very lightly touch upon this subject... to simply explain th "vibes" that he's probably sensing from you.

1.) Explain that your self-esteem is a bit low (in case he hasn't already noticed )
2.) Admit that you sometimes Q your spot on his list of importance and devotion
3.) Apologize for being a pain in the rump & assure him that you are working on overcoming these negative personality tendencies ~ it just takes time. Ca the two of you exchange special hugs or words once a day for extra reassurance?

Just some ideas. Very best wishes to you both!
Thank you so much! I've been trying and practicing how to tone down my abruptness. But this really, really helps. Thank you again <3
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  #12  
Old Oct 21, 2014, 11:52 AM
ifst5 ifst5 is offline
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Originally Posted by danabelle View Post
Thanks I needed this. I'm so convinced in my head with all my assumptions. Does this get better over time with therapy?
It depends on what kind of therapy you're in. You need an honest but supportive therapist - someone who can help you deal with the real issues at hand rather then neatly skirt round them for fear of a setback in your progress.

Jealousy and other such feelings are usually caused by lack of self esteem - what is your therapist doing to help you feel more self assured and independent? The only advice anyone can give you here is to continue building a life outside of your partner; take up certain activities, join social groups, perhaps go back to studying for something be it a new career or to help you progress in your current one. If you have enough to feel good about outside of your relationship, it's easier to feel more comfortable within it.
Thanks for this!
shezbut
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