VOID

Nothing. They should just rename us Borderlines. The numb and void/empty feelings are just killing me. F***, i don't want this the rest of my life...

Sorcerer 666, I'm sorry you are feeling numb & empty. You are not alone.

Hey Sorcerer,

I feel for you and I hope that you can manage to take care of yourself when in times like these... Although I cannot possibly tell you what you do - I think that by sharing some of my experiences with numb, empty, void feelings - I can plant some seeds in your mind...

I find that for myself, the best way to battle the numb, empty void feelings that you speak of - are to go out of my own way to self-soothe. When feeling the way you do - I get attracted to the idea of impulsive actions - but in my own experience, they don't seem to help me much... It's important to try and remember this.

For some reason, when I get overwhelmed with feelings like the ones that you are having - I have the need to get out of my place - and go meander through shopping malls, and stores. I find that the more I walk around - the more I am literally walking aimlessly and without an objective. I see other people out and having fun with each other. They do things that I have lost all interest in - like grab a coffee, or go try on some clothes. I am searching for something, but I'm not quite sure what it is or how to find out what it is... In turn I end up spending most of my time continuously walking around aimlessly - and without stopping. It is at this time I realize - that I am ALWAYS moving around - ALWAYS doing something. I HAVE to. I cannot stand sitting with these feelings, they are much too painful...

I never take time to stop and think, and allow myself to, 'check-in,' and recognize where I'm at emotionally, what I am doing and why... It is like I am set on autopilot and I am merely along for the ride - that being a lonely boring existence of aimlessly wandering and walking around in search of myself in all the wrong places...

Anyways,

One way that I self soothe - is to put on pajamas, curl up in a blanket and sip my favorite drink. I pull out my ipad or phone - and look up news events throughout the world - often times the very worst of the news, (and I mean the worst, often times the most grim news I can find) and I put myself in peoples shoes - far worse off than even myself - and sometimes I come out the other end feeling in some small way, that I have an opportunity to live in a country where I can feel safe and secure, despite my own personal issues.

This is not to guilt or shame - this is simply to force myself into situations that I would NOT want to be in. In doing so - I begin to feel more appreciative of that which I have, rather than dwell on my own self... By dwelling on myself - it leads to a cycling of these feelings of numbness and emptiness, for me. Perhaps you are different.

Sometimes I will watch my favorite movie - and allow my emotions to flow out of me - use it to trigger myself and FEEL the emotions pour out - non judgmentally and in private. One film that I absolutely love - and perhaps you should check out - is Magnolia. It is a beautiful 3 hour film - about human fallibility, human failure and growth... If I was your therapist and I could prescribe a film - that would be the one.

I wish you the best in your current wave - and just remember that it will pass in time.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thanks for your reply. Everything you said makes sense. I do everything and anything to make it stop, some days it just doesn't work. In time, maybe, one day life will be different. I wish everyday the sun was shining, not knowing what's waiting in the shadows is the worse.

You are not alone.