[Espresso]

I frequently go back and forth about whether I have BPD or not. For over a year now, I've been wanting a definite answer. It just so happens that I got two definite answers from mental health professionals: one yes and one no, and so I'm right back where I started. Honestly, I want the answer to be "yes". I want there to be a valid reason behind why I am the way I am. I felt invalidated when he told me no. He basically said that I wasn't crazy enough to warrant the diagnosis even though he knows about all the ******* ****ing **** I deal with day in and day out. Because I'm not flying into public rages, I'm not BPD. He even said that it's common to read about something and think you have it, but I'm not an idiot! I know that I fit in here on the BPD board, for example. I go into other topics, and I can't relate to anything. I come here and almost everything feels like it could have been me that typed it. If I don't have BPD, then my life and the way I feel is entirely my fault. I created my problems and I should be able to fix them. And if I can't, then I guess I don't deserve to live.

[Pierro]

Why do you put more weight on the "NO" than the yes dx

I would say the person who said no probably isn't the best person to be speaking to.

When did public rages become part of the criteria for BPD?

Whoa, suddenly I'm not BPD either! Yay.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm going for a BPD assessment on Friday by psychiatrists. I've been referred by mental health professionals.

I have Bipolar but hated my PDOC so quit seeing him.

See my new official one for treatment of my Bipolar mid October.

I've been reading through the posts on "you know you're BPD when...." Thinking yes yes and yes that's totally me.

I've never had a physical punch on because I don't have testosterone (that's what I tell myself) but man have I want to give people a big fat punch in the face when they p***** me off.

[moodycow]

ultimately we all know ourselves better than anyone else , an if you feel it fits, chances are that you are right .

[HD7970GHZ]

Ultimately what you believe about yourself is up to you. Unfortunately us Borderlines are easily thrown left and right when our identity is challenged.

The important thing to remember: is even though you may have Borderline, it does not mean that your identity: is borderline. There is a common feeling of comfort when we have been given the diagnosis - especially after years of searching for answers as to why we are the way we are - and that is to be expected since we do feel the need for validation and acceptance and belonging. Problem is - sometimes we can attach ourselves to the Borderline diagnosis in much the same way that we can attach ourselves to other people - and it can become an unhealthy way to feel comfort. Sometimes we have problems letting go of this label because we are in need of an explanation to our problems - and in changing and leading a healthier life - loosing the borderline diagnosis can in some ways - feel as though we are loosing our identity...

It's important to remember this.

In changing and loosing the borderline diagnosis - we are no more or less borderline. Those traits remain forever and always. We just learn to master them and slowly they can and often do - diminish to where we no longer need an explanation to our problems, they just are...

I also think you know yourself better than anyone else, so ultimately - this, "professional," whom has so little of your personal experience to draw from, in designating you a label - is destined to make mistakes. So take what he/she says with a grain of salt (if you can ).

And that goes for anything - that anyone says.

I have no doubt in my mind that you suffer from BPD traits. How else could you have landed on these forums and felt such profound connectedness to the words and experiences shared amongst one another? Its truly amazing how much of what other people say on these forums - rings a bell of affirmation - that I do in fact have borderline. I have had times where I notice my dependency on these feelings of affirmation - and it could become a problem if I do not remain aware of it...

It's all about awareness.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[Espresso]

Thanks, everyone. I know I need to not put so much weight on what this one person says, but it's hard.

[emmaleewhispers]

Originally Posted by Espresso

I frequently go back and forth about whether I have BPD or not. For over a year now, I've been wanting a definite answer. It just so happens that I got two definite answers from mental health professionals: one yes and one no, and so I'm right back where I started. Honestly, I want the answer to be "yes". I want there to be a valid reason behind why I am the way I am. I felt invalidated when he told me no. He basically said that I wasn't crazy enough to warrant the diagnosis even though he knows about all the ******* ****ing **** I deal with day in and day out. Because I'm not flying into public rages, I'm not BPD. He even said that it's common to read about something and think you have it, but I'm not an idiot! I know that I fit in here on the BPD board, for example. I go into other topics, and I can't relate to anything. I come here and almost everything feels like it could have been me that typed it. If I don't have BPD, then my life and the way I feel is entirely my fault. I created my problems and I should be able to fix them. And if I can't, then I guess I don't deserve to live.

You don't have to have public rages to have BPD. I know I don't. I act IN instead of OUT. I take out my anger on myself, not anyone else. And I definitely do have BPD... at one point I met all 9 of the diagnostic criteria for the disorder.