[cryingontheinside]

Arrrrrrgggggggg!
Driving my self insane.

I dont know where to start but i bought my mum a cooker today and now she seems to hate me? Or does? What did i say to annoy her? Or was it the 5000 "are you ok? Are you mad at me? Did i do something wrong" that caused her to get mad for real and to look at me like she wished i was dead?
Maybe i imagined all those people that i was convinced were trying to steal the christmas presents i bought for my children?
My mum deffinetely did look mad. And she couldnt wait to get rid of me.
I dont understand.
Im confused.
Could any one please ecplain to me why someone would want to kill someone for buying them a cooker?

[Bipolartist]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

What did i say to annoy her? Or was it the 5000 "are you ok? Are you mad at me? Did i do something wrong" that caused her to get mad for real and to look at me like she wished i was dead?

I think you're onto something, but I also think it's not nearly as bad as you're making it out to be. Your mother hate you or wish you were dead. But I've found when I become obsessed with something, either that people hate me or just expressing my worries out loud, people can get frustrated. I've been practicing really trying not to talk to much to friends or my mom about what's going on in my head and I try to save it for my therapist.

Right now I'm struggling some because one of my best friends isn't calling me back for 2 days now. I saw her online, so I know she's around. But I constantly tell her all of my obsessive worries and I know she might just be thinking, "I can't deal with him today." But I know she doesn't hate me, even though the irrational thought has crossed my mind.

Hang in there. I'm a firm believer in the old adage, "Time heals all wounds." You'll just have to give this time. In the meantime, try to find something positive or productive to distract yourself.

Sorry for this giant response, but I just signed up and I'm excited by what I'm reading. Also a little manic!

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm no medical expert but I will throw in my two cents worth based on what you've written, which is solely my interpretation.

Let's try separate the facts.

You bought your mom a cooker. What a lovely gesture. What was the intention of doing this? Did you want to surprise her, spoil her, show her you love her?

Now somewhere in between you handing over the new cooker, which is a great thing to do, you suddenly began questioning her feelings for you.

This was after you had given her the cooker.

So I'm wondering if you can recall, a specific "trigger" that happened during this time frame that suddenly set you off. Have you had self doubt in the past about your moms feelings for you? Was giving her the cooker a means of you showing her you love her? Is there something about her reaction when you gave her the cooker that suddenly sent your brain into a frenzy?

Have you in the past, prior to this experience, had conversations with your mom about are you okay, are you mad at me, did I do something wrong etc?

I don't believe, quite honestly, that she wants to kill you over a cooker!

It's something else.

I'm playing devils advocate here to explain that there might be a different side to the story. Maybe you do upset your mom when you think she's mad at you etc etc - not because of how YOU feel but because of how SHE feels. If she's bought you up from birth, and loves you unconditionally could it be heart breaking for her that her daughter has these feelings of self doubt? I don't know what your relationship was like growing up with her but maybe there's a part of her that believes she did the best possible job that she knew how to do at the time? So maybe she gets upset when you think that she is mad at you.

I think your subject line with the word "paranoia" is spot on. I tend to over analyze things - people, situations, events .... That sometimes turn out to be not real.

So ask yourself these two questions:

Is she really mad at me for buying her a slow cooker?

Or is she an upset mom because she's done the best she knows how to do and doesn't understand where these feelings for you are coming from?

[Pierro]

Maybe something is playing on her mind and she didn't want to worry you..... Maybe it's not always about you... No Offence

Best wishes

[cryingontheinside]

Yes all of you are right. I was paranoid and stressing out my mum by keep asking her silly questions and she was worried about work. Ans yes me and my mum have had a dufficult relationship in the past but now we are close. Its obviously my own fears and insecurities, i can see that now. I spoke to my mum today and everything was fine

[allme]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Yes all of you are right. I was paranoid and stressing out my mum by keep asking her silly questions and she was worried about work. Ans yes me and my mum have had a dufficult relationship in the past but now we are close. Its obviously my own fears and insecurities, i can see that now. I spoke to my mum today and everything was fine

Great!

Now, next time something similar happens, please try look back at what happened here and how everything was really ok

[cryingontheinside]

Thats really good advice alme, it can be difficult tho because it seems true when it happens

[allme]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Thats really good advice alme, it can be difficult tho because it seems true when it happens

I totally understand what you are saying and it wont be easy at first but if you keep trying and then every time you are wrong, let that strengthen your resolve. I do know it isn't easy but the more we do it, hopefully the more we learn