[MichikoUsagi]

I don't know how to show people that things are not okay. I try and describe in detail what's going on or how I'm feeling. People respond with "ah, that sucks man I hope it gets better" and that just makes me want to tear their heads off. I curse Bambi for the "nothing nice to say" line. That's not always true.

I tried talking to my parents about possibly going to a hospital, as the previous night(before the discussion with them) I was very done with life and came close. My Dad tried to change the subject and eventually left when he was unsuccessful and my Mom just got a worried expression and didn't dwell on it or say anything.

I feel like I need to walk around with a huge sign that says "I NEED SOME HELP AND SUPPORT HERE".

I'm not able to get into therapy for a few months. I feel like if I went to a hospital, people would just be glad I was out of their hair and it wouldn't change once I got back and it would be worse.

Do I need to scream at people? I try really hard to keep normal and smile and laugh for my family and friends. They know I have BPD but I do my best to act normal for their sake. But my grasp on control is practically gone and I feel any time I have a minor episode, they freak out so god forbid something actually makes me freak out.

Anyone else have a similar situation and have dealt with it before?

[cryingontheinside]

Yes! 100%! I hear you. Ive been so depressed in the last month. How do i explain this to people without feeling like a baby or a drama queen. Its so hard to speak out and when i do i feel like im not believed. I made a very serious attemt to end my misery last month, i really dont know how it didnt work as i went to extreme lenghts. It took me a week to pluck the couage to tell my support worker, they way she reacted was like i told her i had a cold. She booked an appointment to see me but didnt turn up or even phone me to cancel or to see if i was ok.
A week after that my mum rang me to tell me that my sister was pissed off with me because she thinks i am now the favourate daughter. I felt so upset and angry i blurted out what i tried to do.
My mum was supportve and called the mental health team.
They gave me an appiontnent to talk to the most uncaring man i have ever met in my life. It was so hard to tell him what was going on but i mannaged expecting him to offer me some kind of support or help, instead he completely patronised me and said " i bet you feel much better now you spoke to me" Are you ****ing serious ive had better convrrsation talking to my self.
It makes me not want to open up. No one cares especially when it comes to bpd.
If we did scream, which mw believe me i feel like doing the would write bad things about us and are bpd. I swear they dont want to help us if we have bpd.

[ifst5]

There are ways of putting across your concerns without inditing fear and suspicion - but ultimately if people don't want to listen they don't want to listen. Really it's your Doctor you should be telling this too. Someone will have to put in a request for/arrange hospital admission and it's usually a GP or family Doctor. Even if they're just aware that you're not in a good place, it's important someone with authority knows of your position.

As for family and friends, just keep it simple. I find the more you have to repeat something the more likely it falls on deaf ears. So just state once, for the record, that you're usually very good at managing your symptoms and getting on with life but now you're struggling and would like to feel supported as you can't cope with something like this alone.

If they listen, great, if they don't - focus on addressing that information elsewhere like, again, your Doctor. Someone will have to listen to you eventually. Please know that people here do understand you and can only advise that you keep going. Although we shouldn't have too, sometimes making a nuisance of yourself is the only way forward. Unfair, but true.

[QuasiM0d0]

I agree with ifst5, you need to see a Doctor. I don't know where you live and why it would take a few months to see a physician??? Perhaps your GP (General Practitioner) can refer you to a Psychiatrist sooner than later. Many people really feel rather helpless and don't know what to say or do for you which can be very frustrating for both you and the parties concerned.

Sometimes keeping your mind busy with games or something you enjoy doing can help keep some of the negative thoughts from invading your mind.

Please try to hang in there in the interim.

Kind Regards,
QuasiM0D0

[MichikoUsagi]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the support.

I'm not able to get in to see anyone because there's just too much demand for it. Anything else would be too far from us. We live in a small town, up a mountain. Practically off the grid. We don't even get pizza delivery here lol. So I'm not able to get anything moving faster, I'm at their mercy and I call every week to see how my paperwork is going.

Sucks but that is how it is lol.

[SmileHere]

Michiko,

I'd stop smiling and pretending everything was okay when it wasn't, that way you only hurt deeper - at least that was my experience. Number of comedians who do suicide because of having to pretend to be 'up' and 'cheerful' all the time seems quite big too.

With my parents, I sometimes had to cry out loud that I was in pain (literally, when something fell on my leg) and cry - basically do some 'drama' (it was genuine, but they just didn't get 'small hints' before) so they took notice. I don't have the diagnosis 'bpd' though, or your situation.

Basically if I understand it right, you don't want your parents to 'overreact' or fret too much, but you wish their cooperation and help. They do have to fret a bit if the situation demands it (ie if you've been feeling so bad) - they probably prefer an ALIVE daughter than an always-smiling one?

While you wait for therapy or mh hospital, you can do many things yourself too. Distracting yourself is good, but I'd limit computer usage - more than 5 hours a day can cause depression (?) There was a study in Japan! Why using a computer can cause depression | Daily Mail Online
A walk every day can help with depression, ideally in the sun. We know someone who cured her depression with walks.
Have you tried DIY CBT yet? I found The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns very helpful.
For some people, EFT (emofree.com) or TAT (tatlife.com) have been helpful too. I found them helpful for some things, TAT for the past etc.

Wishing you good luck!

[hyunsoo77]

Personal battle. No one wants to HelpOut, attend God until therapy and don't complain. Good habits help. Help yourself in small ways you already know how. Good luck

[MichikoUsagi]

Originally Posted by hyunsoo77

Personal battle. No one wants to HelpOut, attend God until therapy and don't complain. Good habits help. Help yourself in small ways you already know how. Good luck

I'm a little confused by the wording in this. Attend god and don't complain?

[inflammable]

I can relate to this. It's hard for me to tell others that things aren't OK, and then when I do, I often am ignored. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.