[rubabe]

Hi guys,
I haven't had a formal diagnosis thus far, and because I'm only 18 - doctors are reluctant to diagnose.
I currently suffer from depression and am on Zoloft for it, I responded well to it although in the first week I was manic. I am coming off it as I really don't like the side effects, - now on 10mg and I am going back to 'normal' - aka, totally erratic and over emotional.
Now to the symptoms:

I have not yet had a relationship where I didn't cheat on my partner. I am disgustingly difficult to be with, severe idealisation/devaluation constantly, completely unpredictable and often contemplate suicide when a partner is late for seeing me, cancels or flirts with someone else. I sexualise myself constantly, my sexual identity is incredibly important. I fantasize about having sex with strangers, men and women, manipulating them into love with me and then to leave as if I was never there. I often threaten my boyfriends with suicide.
I have suffered with severe identity issues since I was little. I had an existential crisis at 13. I have had numerous physical images, ways of speaking, ways of thinking. It changes monthly. This impacts on my relationships - since I am so unstable, when I feel like someone has got to know me properly, I want to leave. I want to run away/move country. Because that puts me in a box, I can no longer change. I contemplate changing myself even more. I am utterly empty and constantly bored.
I am impulsive, but not to extremes. This is what makes me think I don't have BPD. I suffered from severe health anxiety in the past and so tend to be very cautious about how I act, except when I am depressed I have urges to play in traffic etc. I do binge eat sometimes but not badly. The same with self harm.
I have uncontrollable mood swings, severe irritability, mania, changes in the way I think, rapidity of thoughts, almost like a psychosis (I have experienced before, after using drugs).
I have intense anger which has caused me to smash up objects in my home, childlike tantrums monthly, urges to hurt others etc.
I was close to my dad briefly, even though he left my mum, but we lost contact for years and now we have a cold, emotionless relationship.
I have relatives with schizophrenia, also.
Is there any chance that somedays you can feel more 'borderline' than others? More sensitive or crazy?
There is much more I could mention but these I thought were the important bits.

Would appreciate literally any feedback!
Thanks guys.

[Pierro]

We are not able to diagnose anybody here but it does sound like you have a lot of traits of BPD. You are only 18 years old but I am sure it would put things in perspective for you. If you ever get overly "sensitive" fill a bowl of cold water and put ice into it, the colder the better. Dunk your face into it for 10 seconds at a time and do this repeatedly. It does help.
It works. I hope you find your way....

Best wishes

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Rubabe. Thanks for posting your question here.

On the basis of all the information you have given you could be looking at the possibility of a range of diagnosis, not necessarily BPD, and even if it was BPD, you would really need the diagnosis to come from a qualified mental health practitioner.

I understand what you're saying about being 18 and the label. It's not something mental health practitioners would want to throw around lightly. The other possibility is they may have some idea on something, based on your behavior but are not necessarily feeling the need to disclose it. Maybe. Although one could argue that.

You have made reference to the term "manic". This is a term used to describe someone with bipolar. Have you officially been diagnosed with bipolar? If not you may simply be using the wrong term.

Do your doctors know that you are stopping Zoloft and supporting you in this decision, or is this one something you've just decided to do on your own?

Look. My summary would be this. See first if you can get a professional diagnosis from a mental health practitioner (unfortunately no one here on this forum can do that). If that fails, you really do need therapy and should ask for a referral to see a therapist to start addressing your behaviors, if you are not already doing so. And your doctors need to be informed as to what medications you are or aren't on. They may be willing to look at an alternative if Zoloft really wasn't working for you.

Take care.

[ifst5]

Unfortunately what you've described could fit a number of conditions; bipolar disorder, histrionic personality disorder...the list goes on. That doesn't mean to say you have any of those things - you could in fact have one or more conditions in need of diagnosis. But here sadly is not the place to find out.

One thing that is common with most conditions is changeability - you won't necessarily have the same severity of symptoms, or even symptoms, as the days/weeks/months go by. The effect this has on an individuals life can vary - some people require the use of medication, others need behavioural modification. A lot of people need both. It's really down to the individual to decide what needs challenging and how to do it. Professionals are there merely to assist.

I hope you can find a reliable professional to adequately diagnose and treat you - as a rule of thumb, PD's take a fair bit of time to diagnose. Usually you have to be an adult too but perhaps you could put across the argument that as your symptoms have persisted and are unlikely to change in the near future, perhaps you can start some form of treatment now. Depending on where you are a diagnosis isn't necessarily required to gain access to treatment. Again this is something you'll need to discuss with your treatment provider. Good luck.