I may have a date with a girl - advice please

You're right I should do that! In person for sure...

Now this whole depression that I'm in isn't good. Last night I had my phone in another room and this morning seen that she called 4 times last night...Not only that, I have got texts from here and I've avoided thrm. I feel terrible, but this is what I do. I fear rejection so much that I am too afraid to go out and meet her...

She sent these texts on Thursday:

- "Heyy. How are you? Haven't been in the best mood today."
- "Also I don't mean to pressure you so I thought I should explain my constant request for you to call me... Basically I feel like technology is royally ****ing up our communication skills and I hate using texting as a primary source of communication."

I did not reply... I avoided them. It was too painful.

She sent these texts on Friday (last night):

- "No love today or what's up."
- "(my name) what the ****?"
- "youre making me sad."

I can't help it... I don't think I can ever be in a relationship. I feel so lonely all the time but this is what I do. It's absolutely rediculous. I can intellectualize how it is - but I can't even attempt to change it because it just hurts too much.

Thanks,
HD

and what about HOW YOU are making her feel right now???? Not nice what you're doing. Try to at least set her free, have some EMPATHY. please!

Thats just it. I do feel empathy for her! I am not what she wants. She thinks I am. Letting her on is only making matters worse. I wrote this message a week ago:

"You are right. This isn't fair to you at all. I am guilty as sin and I am truly sorry. I need to work on this ****. Honest to god - the only reason I don't communicate much is because I'm literally that busy. This is also why I dont want to go too fast - so that we don't get hurt in the process. I can't put expectations on this yet - and neither should you. Right now I hope we can be real good friends and go be creative - and perhaps more will happen. If not - I would rather have you as a friend than nothing at all. Those are hard to come.by in this world. And you are right - we do have an understanding on a deeper level."

So I've already said this - prior to the messages she sent me. She knows where I've put my boundaries. I am so afraid to call her for both our sake. I think she's also got borderline - which is not what I need in a relationship. Two borderlines together is recipe for disaster.

Thanks,
Hd

Oh gosh I'm sorry! I thought you had not communicated with her at all. My apologies, I normally read an entire thread and I guess I didn't this time. Again, my apologies.

It's okay Hannabee, you were very honest about your opinion and perhaps I needed to hear what you said! I am pathetic and I will always be alone - that is what I tell myself. And this is an example of why it happens. People want to be around me but I am too scared to put myself out there because I am worried they will hate me and run away when I need them most...

I can intellectualize this aspect of my personality - but I can't simply change it. I still have not replied to these most recent text messages. I made plans with her to see a movie on this coming Tuesday - and as far as I know - the offer still stands.

I am very sad about the whole situation. I cry at night thinking about my therapist being in a relationship - happy and secure - with a good job and a career... I can't even get out of bed - and I avoid the opportunity to go out with this girl... It makes me so sad.