[XSleepingSiren21X]

It's been over half a year since I've been away from going to my churches faith youth group. I finally decided I wanted to go after all this time and it pretty much was the most discouraging and regretful decision I've made. All the people I knew and most of the so called 'friends' I made during the time I had getting to know these people just completely ignored me and didn't even take acknowledgement that I was even there!

Only my cousin, her friend, and 3 other people even noticed I was there and gave me a hug and left.

No one told me they missed me, greeted me, talked to me, ask me how I was doing. Nothing. It made me cry and feel how worthless I am. Nobody showed they cared for my presents, I wasn't even really looked at. I was like a ghost, none of the people I used to talk to even took the moment to see me and say anything. I even stood next to the youth group leader and they only looked my way. I even said hi and they didn't hear me or if they did, ignored me.

I even went out of my way to be social, when I fear it the most, and no one would talk to me, I even kept on getting interrupted by someone or somebody would just decide to walk away in the middle of a group conversation.

After that night, one of them told me to come back next time. They told me I needed to come back. Why would I come back when no one cared to even treat me like I never left or wasn't even there in the first place?

When I got home I took a moment to feel how dumb I felt for even going, I hated it. I started to have a mood swing with crying and telling myself how much of a pain I am to people. I'm seriously feeling depressed and wondering if I can stand anyone anymore.

What's wrong with me? Why do so many people treat me like this? Everyone's so mean to me and yet they say I'm a nice and friendly person. Why do people do this? Is it I'm undeserving and meant to have a horrible life?

I'd rather be dead, than to suffer in a world I don't belong in. :'(

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to read this post.

I don't like the way that they treated you and I don't think it's fair.

I suffer social anxiety sometimes so I admire how you had the courage to go there and the fact that you went out of your way to be social.

Don't beat yourself up about this. I think it's actually more of a reflection of the group of people who were there than it is of you. They were not being inclusive and you are not liable for that.

There's nothing wrong with you.

I'd rather that one true friend than a hundred fake ones.

[HD7970GHZ]

Hey SleepingSiren,

I agree with what Hooligan said - you did a great job going into a social situation knowing the potential for pain... I think you did a great job making an effort and pulling through it while being triggered - and you surely learned something from doing it.

Perhaps by showing your face more often - it would naturally lead to open doors. It had been half a year since you showed your face - there's no wonder people wouldn't come flocking to you immediately.

I think you should do whatever you can to suspend self judgment. It would be easy to attribute the difficulty you experienced to being solely your fault - but that is not always the case. There is a reason you felt that way - and as Hooligan already suggested - it could very well be a reflection of the group rather than of yourself.

I hope you are doing well,

Thanks,HD

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

From my experiences with church youth groups I've come to realise that they are generally filled with very judgemental people.

A lot of them have grown up in the church their whole lives and have this idea of what makes the right Christian/Catholic (whatever faith we're going with) and anyone who doesn't fit that mould is somehow doing something wrong or can even be a scary threatening thing to them.

I know I had some gaps back when I was going and I definitely felt like people decided I'd lost my faith and turned from God and didn't want to be too close incase I somehow turned them bad as well. In time they generally got used to me being there again and welcomed me back and all that stuff.

Religion can be quite close minded, search out the good ones in the group and stick with them and try hard to ignore the rest. There will always be some f***heads in every group of people.