[whateverforever1]

hello I have just been dx BPD about a month ago. Before that I was dx bipolar II (10 years prior). I am really struggling with a lot of things (binging, spending money, not having a job, relationships- just broke up with BF, and started cutting again after 10 years clean). The thing I have the most problem with is depression... I get so depressed that I can't do simple things like get out of bed, I miss appointments, I miss HUGE opportunities that are absolutely stupid to let pass by, I miss things that the universe is sending me to do, but I have no motivation to them.
I try to do them, but the second I mess it up I get even more depressed than where I began and then shame myself for my lack of 'willpower' that I can't just snap out of it. Then I tell myself I'll do well. For about a week, I do. I go to the gym everyday, I get out of the house, I feel like i'm on top of the world, but then guess what? It comes back again. A week later, I can't leave my house, can't even shower. And bam! another amazing opportunity comes along .. like a job interview... or an audition... or something... that most people would jump and say don't **** that up. But of course, I'm too depressed I **** it up. Then th ecycle starts again- I call myself lazy. stupid. and I just want to die.

Does anyone have this?

[Secretum]

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You have an illness. You're not lazy or defective. Your brain just works differently.

With help, you can get better. Please don't give up. I know what it is like to be very depressed, and see no hope. Then I stumbled across a medication that really helped with the depression.

As someone with bipolar, you probably want to avoid antidepressants, especially SSRIs. I was on prozac, and it really hurt me, even though I took a mood stabilizer with it. The good news is that there are medications out there that act like antidepressants without actually being antidepressants.

Have you tried lamictal, lithium, seroquel, zyprexa or abilify? Zyprexa is the drug that helped me so much, though it has some nasty side effects.

Please don't give up hope. Some of the best moments in your life haven't even happened yet; hold on.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi there whateverforever

I can totally relate to what you are saying. Sometimes my life feels like this on a daily basis. One step forward. One step backwards. One step forward. And so the cycle continues. It's extremely difficult for me to function on even minimal activities that are required when I feel like I'm in the one step backwards mode. My sleep has been totally out of whack for a while now which I think is aggrevating my mood.

Sometimes there's such a fine line with what I'm experiencing that I can't always tell what is Bipolar related for me and what is Borderline for me. And at other times it is crystal clear.

Here's wishing you a smooth transition into wellbeing.