[Secretum]

I struggle with this. I'm constantly changing my career goals, how I see myself, what I want to do in the next twenty minutes, twenty-four hours, week ahead, year ahead, etc. It's gotten to the point where people look at me strangely when I tell them what I've decided what I want to do with my life, because I told them a week ago that I was definitely done with the dream I decided to re-pursue now!

I dye my hair often. I didn't think it was all that excessive or a problem, but my stylist commented on how often I change it up and told me that I have to stop "going from light to dark" because I am going to damage my hair. I don't think this is related to my identity issues, though. I just like changing my hair; it's an artistic expression. But I do see how it seems excessive, and I wonder if it is related to my poor sense of self.

At one point or another, I've regretted every decision I've made in my life. I keep changing my plans because I am so, so scared of living with any more regrets. I'm only 23.

There is an illustration in Sylvia Plath's Bell Jar that I could really relate to. The mental patient is standing underneath a tree, knowing that she can only pick one fruit. Each fruit represents something good-a potential relationship, career path, type of success, etc. But she spends so much time immobilized, trying to choose the best fruit, that the entire tree withers and dies. It's too late. She's run out of time.

This identity problem is really frustrating because it makes me seem fickle, and it is hard to plan my life when I know that I will likely just change my plans a day later. I really don't want to miss out because I let the entire tree of possibilities wither while I stand here, completely indecisive.

There is a plus side, though-I know not to waste money on tattoos (though I really do want one!). I know that I would regret any image I put on my body today, just a few weeks later.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Oh god, I felt like I was reading about myself a little bit!

23 years old, can't decide what I want to do with my life, and when I do make a decision I don't follow it through because I'm too scared it's the wrong decision or I'll hate it or fail.

I think the hair colour changes has to be a little be related because I've had pretty much every hair colour available and go from short to long quite often as well.

Oh, and I'd love some tattoos, I have so many ideas! I'm also just too scared to get them incase I regret it a month later when I've decided I hate that thing!

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Sectrum

Right on about the tattoos lol.

I got one. And I totally regret it. In process of having it lazered off.

However, I got mine when I was completely manic.

At the time it seemed like the best decision in the world.

Meh.

[Fuzzybear]

[ThunderGoddess]

So interesting with the hair haha I've just recently stopped coloring mine, I've been changing it since I was 13 and I'm just about to hit 28! Tattoos well..I've always been a bit on the wild side so I'm up to 20 tattoos with 4 cover ups because of impulsive purchases I've also graduated in 4 different trades plus I went to college and still do not work in an environment involving any of those trades or schooling.
From my experience you learn a little bit more about yourself each time you dabble in something new. That's why sometimes I see bpd as a gift it's taken me all over the place educationally, geographically, romantically I've learned a lot about who I am.

I was right where you are at 23 I quit my job as a hairstylist and really started to search for who I was. Your on the right path..your own

[sidney1771]

I can't even decide what to eat for lunch or dinner. If there are too many choices, I stand in front of the fridge or cabinets debating all of the options. It has gotten to the point where I pretty much have one or two things available to choose from for all my meals. Yup...eat the same thing for weeks at a time until I get sick of it and then I eat something else for weeks at a time. The alternative is fast food, and I need to monitor my food intake.

Hey, I totally identify with your changing goals and values, etc.

Your last comment made me want to reply :P

I got 12 tattoos, 1 on each of my fingers, and 1 on each of my wrists (all the way around). I used to think that I would regret them, but now I'm kind of sure I won't. I've had most of them for 8 years. Spiritual Latin words and crown of thorns (Jesus Christ).

I think it depends on what you get - if you get the name of some music artist you're totally into right now, duh, you're probably gonna regret it a couple of years from now (or months). If you get something that really identifies you, it may just withstand the test of time

Tattoos are a really great artistic expression ... just sayin

[richeye]

I now exactly what the identity crisis is about. I used to always hope for that one right hobby, that one right woman, that one right job/career, that one right therapist, that one right medication, that one right _____, and i had to have it figured out at the age of 21! I'm 37 now, and was diagnosed as borderline when i was 27. I didn't believe i had the diagnosis, as there is overlap among the personality disorders.

I've know I've had identity issues for many years, but i thought it was due to other problems. I have been on ssdi for 10 years, and have received other diagnoses.

Who am I? That changes throughout the day. I don't know what I want. I am easily swayed and find it hard to take a stand. I feel i just drift.

Enough about me. Hey everybody!

[HD7970GHZ]

Definitely relate to this. I've been to Bible School, University, a Tech Institute - now I am given the opportunity of a lifetime to do what I love to do and I have quit for health reasons...

Sad sad.

Now I am in therapy and I want to be a therapist... Been there - done that. I honestly don't know what to do with myself, but I'm starting to realize something that permeates through every one of my different career aspirations: I need to help others.

My identity is in helping others... It doesn't matter how I go about this - because I can learn to help others in many different ways.

And what better thing to do with ourselves - than help others like us in need? We sufferers spend so much time in the darkness that we often forget the sheer amount of insight and experience we gain... We really have a lot to give - and people like us need it more than we know.

There's a reason why so many Borderline's drift towards the helping professions: It's because we truly empathize to an extraordinary extent. We don't just read and learn about illnesses, we feel them.

[dancinglady]

If I had not been a BPD BPD was my identity for many many years. If not that, I would have been a lawyer.

I never had a true and long standing identity. My identity was based on who my therapist was, who I was around, what mental health program I was attending, in or out of hospital, bad or good patient, acting out or playing games, etc. My identity was always that I was a mental health patient. I gained everything from that title. That meant I did not have to be responsible for myself and that I only had to be a "good patient" and "follow the simple rules". I could get benefits and free housing and meds. I could lay around all day because everyone just saw that I had a mental illness and there was no need to push me into being anything else. BPD back then was a life ending sentence. I was only suppose to follow the mental health system rules. No such thing as a career or any type of life enhancing things in our lives.

Never really had to look at my life and say what am I to do, I am a BPD - that was my identity. IT was a life escape.

Now that I am 64 I guess having an identity no longer matters. Now I am just an "old lady" with mental health issues but no one cares. The old lady title takes care of looking weird. Everyone just assumes that anything I do wrong has to do with old age not mental illness. So I would have had a better life without this disorder but that is done and over with now I just wait to die. Law practice is not available with all of my physical illnesses. I just now am a old lady with lots of physical doctor appointments and tests. Oh well hopefully this will help someone else when you are still acting up and doing mental health craziness.