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I guess either my mind wants more drama or there's something I have to process.

I had a dream last week about someone in high school. He sent me a PM on FB a few years ago. I answered him and he never wrote back.

This dream has been bugging me and now I know why. He rejected me. So now I'm dealing with feelings of rejection because of something that happened while I was a teenager.

And my life now is great. I have a loving husband and daughter. I'm enjoying what I'm doing. I really have no need for this.

My husband is enjoying the extra hugs and kisses, but it's not for the right reason. I want to get over this "I need you to love me all the time" feeling, because it's annoying and painful for me.

Stupid BPD.

Guess some distraction and self-soothing will help. So would radical acceptance.

[Skeezyks]

One of the reasons I'm not anywhere on the internet as myself (FB, Twitter, Linked-in, etc.) is because I NEVER want anyone I ever knew in years past to be able to find me. But I do know something of what you're saying here. Even at my advanced age I still find myself brooding, from time-to-time, over long ago lost loves. Hope you find your way to inner peace.

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I have a few friends from childhood on FB. They're okay with what I post, like, share, etc. Only two of my FB friends know of my MIs and they're not in the same group. I've often thought of just revealing my diagnoses and see who would be left standing, but I'm not going to do that.

I think it has given me a lot of appreciation for my husband, though. He went through a lot of crap with me that I don't think any of my former boyfriends would have, and that he's still here is also a testament of how much I've changed.