[offroad711]

I struggle so much as my BPD has progressed with how to feel like a man. I have these melt downs and I cry on my girlfriends shoulder and I am scared of literally everything! How can you feel anything like a man when you feel so weak and helpless. In the past I could drink and that would take that away or probably it also made me feel strong but that has not been a option in quite a while and this constant feeling of being so weak sucks.

And sorry if this is coming off stereotypical but society obviously looks for a man to be strong and brave and I feel completely the opposite. Physically I am very strong and spend hours in the gym, but of course inside I feel a helpless and hopeless. My girlfriend needed me more on a emotional level early in the relationship and I think it makes it worse that she has become healthier and no longer needs me in that way. She would have panic attacks and I would talk her down from them holding her and I think this helped by feeling needed. Now I am just the needy mess that searches for constant assurance and affection...

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you're feeling so weak, scared & disgusted. I know something about being scared of everything as well as being emotionally fragile. I've spent much of my life this way. And you're right... it sucks. In my case I spent quite a few of my younger adult years being outwardly pugnacious in an effort to circumvent my inner timidity. (It never really worked all that well.)

I don't think what you wrote about how society looks for men to be is stereotypical. From my perspective, I think it is spot on. No matter what I did, I never felt as though I quite measured up. I still don't. Anyway... I don't know as I have any great suggestions for you here. I mostly just wanted to share some of my own personal experiences on the subject of feeling weak, scared & unmanly.

By the way, since you mentioned you spend a lot of time in the gym, there's a YouTuber whom you might find to be of interest, if you're not already familiar with him. His name is Noah. His channel name in Bignoknow. Noah is a weight lifter as well as being a young man who has struggled with depression, anxiety & also, in his case, low testosterone. I recommend Noah's channel highly. Here's a link:

https://www.youtube.com/user/bignoknow

I wish you well...