Obsession Gone Wrong

Okay, so I have an obsession with a female teacher, (we are both females). I've even looked up her address. I know her license plate number. I've thought about going to find her house just to look out it. I also try and park next to her everyday at school. If I don't see her I get sad. I feel like we are connected. I feel like I can't live without her. I don't know what to do because I'm a senior in high school. So, I'm about to leave her. I want to stay connected to her. I really love her. I look up to her as a mentor. I even envision having conversations with her. Is this weird? Does anyone who struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder have this obsession? I don't know what to do because I can't leave her. I'll go into a depression. I already lost another teacher (emotionally). It felt as if someone died.

From my perspective, Taylorlamelza1997, this is not really that unusual. When this kind of thing happens in therapy, we call it: "transference". There's no reason to think it can't happen between a student & her teacher as well.

I always feel a bit uncomfortable recommending that individuals see a therapist to work on problems of this sort. I personally never found the ones I saw to be of much help. And I don't see one now. However, many people have been helped greatly by therapists. Perhaps this would be the best way to address this.

Since you are a senior, you will be leaving your school, & this teacher, behind. There's no way around that. Besides... since this dependence has developed with regard to this teacher, it may be that other dependencies, of this sort, lie in your future unless you come to terms with the reasons for developing this kind of attachment to begin with.

You could, perhaps, see if this teacher would be willing to keep in touch after you've graduated. This sometimes occurs. However, from my perspective, unless you deal with the reasons for your deep attachment to begin with, you're really just sweeping the problem under the rug, as the saying goes.

My best wishes to you...

Thank you for your insight. Do you think I should just be honest about my obsession? Would that help me overcome it? Or would that make it worse?

Hello and good evening/afternoon. Well, I'm not in any way a professional regarding mental health issues. However, I am BPD and I have had issues similar to what you have described. I didn't actually ''stalk'' as such, another female, but I certainly am/was almost obsessed with certain people. I'm 56 now but this started when I was 14 and still at school. My friend and I developed a ''crush thing'' on the English teacher. Every weekend we used to catch four busses to go to ''spy'' where she lived, spent the whole day doing this!! Infact in the end the teacher had to report it to the head master, so we had to stop. I might say at this point that my friend does NOT have BPD. I think anybody could develop ''fixations'' on people, but I think it's different reasons for different people. I do still ''notice'' different women, but it's usually famous women who I consider to be ''perfect'', and all of the things I'm not. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My obsession is a female English teacher too. I've been obsessed with female English teachers since I was 15. I don't know why.

I don't know that I can answer this. It all depends on so many variables. First among these is your current relationship with this teacher, to the extent you have one. (When you say: being honest, I presume you mean being honest with this teacher. Perhaps I'm mistaken.)

As a teacher, your teacher is bound by some fairly strict rules, as well as laws, regarding relationships with students. And it is not making too much of it to say that her job in particular, & her profession as a teacher in general, are always potentially "on the line" in any relationship with a student. Even when everything is perfectly open & "above board", situations can be misinterpreted by third parties (other teachers, school administration, etc.) Plus, being a teacher, presumably this teacher probably holds herself to some high standards simply because she wants to do the best job possible... which is part of the reason you admire her, I presume.

All of this is by way of saying that there is allot to be considered, from a teacher's perspective when she considers opening herself up to a closer relationship with a student. So were you to talk, with this teacher, about your admiration for her & your desire to have a more ongoing mentoring relationship with her, all of the things I've mentioned above have to go through her mind. Plus, there's also the question of simply whether or not she particularly likes you, how busy she is outside of the classroom, & what this mentoring relationship might entail. How all of this might influence how she would respond to you is pretty-much impossible to predict.

Certainly, I think it would be perfectly fine & appropriate for you to express, to her, your admiration for her as well as your desire to maintain some sort of ongoing contact once you've graduated. However, from my perspective, I think you might want to give some consideration, before you do, to what this relationship might entail. I think it might be helpful if, when you speak with her, you could give her some concrete suggestions as to what this relationship might involve. And try to keep it as simple as possible to begin with. These sorts of relationships must evolve naturally. They can't be "superimposed". so to speak.

I think it can be a wonderful experience when a mentoring relationship develops between an adult and a young person. Too little of this occurs nowadays. But, as I've written above, these things can't be forced. And there is allot to consider, and a certain amount of risk, that accrues when a teacher agrees to commit to such a relationship. Does that make sense?

Now, having written all of that... if what you had in mind, with regard to being honest is to in some way be honest with yourself... that is certainly important too. I think you need to consider why it is that you want to have this relationship to begin with as well as with regard to where you see it going. If you are seeing a therapist, this might be an excellent thing to discuss with that person. If on the other hand, you don't see a T, might there be a school counselor you could see?

As far as the question of how BPD might play into this, here again, this is something that would be best considered as a part of that discussion you might have with a T or a school counselor. Certainly it is possible BPD could be a factor. But, I don't think I would presume that this is the case, especially if there's not a history of the types of "I hate you / don't leave me" types of involvements that persons with BPD tend to exhibit.