[NoChildSupport]

-You've had a bad habit of compulsively sending embarrassing texts to someone who you're overly attached to.

-You're sick of the shame & guilt & you're sick of doing this to them. You want to start anew.

-You try to make a deal with the person and tell them that you will stop being so clingy if they will delete every conversation from every number.

-They PRETEND to go along with it.

-You can't prove that they really held up their end of the bargain so you want them to promise they did so you can feel comfortable.

-The person refuses to promise. You're not dumb, so you inquire them about why they refuse to promise and they evade answering questions.

-You: "Please don't lie & pretend you got rid of everything when you didn't. It'll break my heart."
Them: 🏥🚑💔

-You're sick of them playing around & being vague so you beg them to take this seriously.

-They FINALLY reveal that they're going to PRINT ALL OF THE MESSAGES OFF OF THEY'RE PHONE & then remove them from they're phone.

-You don't trust this person at all. You KNOW something will happen and then they will embarrass you with those messages they're holding onto & you're scared to even be around them because you believe they will abuse they're authority. They'll probably even embarrass you in front of others.

-You've expressed this fear to them and they've never given you ANY reassurance that this will never happen. They've told you in the past that they would read the messages to you if they "needed to prove a point".This would be ineffective because all you will do is cry and cover your ears begging them to stop reading but they don't care. All they care about is "proving a point".

You also NEED this person to delete the texts because holding onto them makes it hard for you to see a point in stopping. If they delete them, you'll never want to give them that kind of power again.

[pegasus]

Ok, this is your issue. You can't put it on the other person. Admittedly the other person receiving these messages is possibly playing along too but it is up to you on your end to stop. Delete their phone number so that there is no quick way to message them. Also block their number so that they cannot get hold of you at all. Find some sort of reward for sticking to your plan each day. Talk to other safe people for support.

[NoChildSupport]

I wasn't trying to put in on them. This person always acts as if they want to help so I told them how to help. I was mostly upset because of my fear of them showing others and humiliating me. They do things like put me on speakerphone with others around without telling me. That's when I got scared and tried to make a deal. It's not the messages, it's what they would do with them that scare me. It's hard to stop when it's already screwed up anyway. So I wanted a clean start.

I was mostly asking how others would feel if someone decided to print their crazy, desperate messages to see if I'm nuts for feeling terrified. I have no idea what they'll do with them...

[ThunderGoddess]

Someone did do that to me. I'd rather not share what happened because of it but stop talking to them immediately they sound like bad news.

[NoChildSupport]

I also felt scared & shocked when I realized they were going to pretend to go along & print out the messages put behind my back... Now I can't trust them... At all...

[pegasus]

Sorry, what I mean is, it's up to you to protect yourself on your end. It's a possibly abusive situation so you need to take care of you. The other person is going to do whatever they will do unfortunately, so you need to block them completely.

[purplek0ala]

Have been in your situation. It really psyches you out. It sucks for someone to betray your trust and confidentiality. Leaves you feeling pretty vulnerable. My advice is just stop talking to them and let them forget you (if possible) and let things fizzle out.
Then, if it's really worth it, and enough of time has passed, try for a fresh start.
Best of luck to you! Hope things work out.

[Frankbtl]

Hi NoChildSupport, I'd say that it's completely understandable if you're feeling scared, anxious, vulnerable, powerless, betrayed, threatened, desperate........all those things and more
But this just kind of evidences how important it is for you to move away from this person, right??
And this isn't the only thing they're going to be holding over you, right?? This isn't the only thing in the "relationship" that makes you feel powerless, "less than"...........??
So time to relinquish this power they have over you, hey??
This relationship (from what you've said before) is likely to be way more damaging to you in the longrun, than if you moved away from them and let them do what they want with the texts.
I know it must seem so scary to you having the thought that other people may see them..........but there was a genuine reason you were sending those texts, right?? You were feeling insecure, vulnerable, desperately wanting someone to care/to understand/to be there for you............??? So if you can try not to judge yourself too harshly on having sent those texts.............and anyone else who judges you harshly if that person were to show others, well they're not going to know the full situation anyway, right?? You've nothing to feel embarrassed about, you were hurting.
And now, it's where you go from here.........maybe working on gradually developing more "healthy" relationships, with people who are going to be supportive, who are going to "empower" you, who you are going to be able to trust???
And maybe, on finding some of that inner strength (which I know you have!! ) to help lead you past this "relationship" and to not need anyone that much.

Alison

[NoChildSupport]

It's best I give this person up. Otherwise, I'm just going to make myself even more miserable. Hopefully, I won't need them so much after a while. I think it's best if I walk alone.

[Frankbtl]

Hi NoChildSupport,
"It's best I give this person up. Otherwise, I'm just going to make myself even more miserable"
Real kudos on recognizing that, on wanting to take that step!!!!

"Hopefully, I won't need them so much after a while. I think it's best if I walk alone"
And yes, it might take a while to let go of that need for them (even if it is a toxic need) but it's got to start somewhere, right? And it's got to start with walking away from them.
Just keep reminding yourself of why you need to walk away, and what you do need in your life/what you deserve. Which of course includes "healthy" relationships
And don't forget that this doesn't need to mean that you'll be on your own, from here you can maybe start to work on allowing in people more who can give you some ofsupport you need?? And don't forget, you've got us too!!!

Alison

[Perna]

Originally Posted by NoChildSupport

If they delete them, you'll never want to give them that kind of power again.

Why only if they delete those old/history posts. You are not NOW the person you were then. Just stop with the giving of power, if that's what you feel it to be. It will become old and useless the more time goes by that you do not post like that, whether they delete or do not.

[NoChildSupport]

Originally Posted by Perna

Why only if they delete those old/history posts. You are not NOW the person you were then. Just stop with the giving of power, if that's what you feel it to be. It will become old and useless the more time goes by that you do not post like that, whether they delete or do not.

That's true. I guess I only thought that because even when I behave better, I'll slip up. I'm not perfect so I WILL have an outburst at some point. It will take some time for the outbursts to stop for good. That's why I feet like, despite my improvements, they still have power over me. If I slip up, they can use the messages as a weapon against me. They even said they won't embarrass me in front of others UNLESS I'm "showing out", which I will. That's why its best to just cut this person out for good. It's the only way I can disarm them.

[LittleEarthquakes]

Originally Posted by NoChildSupport

I was mostly asking how others would feel if someone decided to print their crazy, desperate messages to see if I'm nuts for feeling terrified. I have no idea what they'll do with them...

I'd be angry.

[NoChildSupport]

Originally Posted by LittleEarthquakes

I'd be angry.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.