[Matt Austin]

Is it normal to, let me phrase this is well as possible. I feel unneeded and like a burden, because I'm always the one to initiate conversations and activities between me and my friends? IE. I always message them before they message me, I ask them to come over, etc. And they never ask me for anything?
I'm having a really bad breakdown over this and I'm getting worked up over it, I don't know what to say to them.

[Angelique67]

I have similar issues at various times of my life and I know how unwanted it can make me feel. There's probably nothing you can say right now that can help, but this might only be a phase. Try some alone time, maybe, and see if your friends ever come to you. I always would retreat and eventually someone would call me. I've been very alone in my lifetime but fortunately for the most part I enjoy solitude. Plus, I had my cat whom I adored for 21 years. I wish I could be more helpful.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Matt,

If you're making most of the effort and not having people reach out to you, make much of an effort, check in on you, show an interest, let you know you're appreciated I can completely get how you may feel unneeded

Although, depending on some of your friends, if they have problems initiating things this could be saying that you're very much needed/far from being a burden. Perhaps sometimes they're relying on you to initiate things, they have problems, they depend on you eventually doing that, they value that/you and you give them so much more than you think.
If that's the case though, would be nice if they could tell you something along those lines though, right??!!
But for that you might have to tell them how you're feeling. Maybe some will make excuses, maybe some will get defensive, but bottom line you need a bit more back from them right?? So maybe the only way to go will be in telling them that, and perhaps tell them some of the things you'd like from them.

And for friends that you find aren't really as much friends........who basically can't/won't be bothered, who don't want to put in any extra effort..........well that doesn't need to be about you, that can easily be about them instead.
You might decide to hang onto them accepting that they're more friends that are only going to be there in certain circumstances, or you have to make extra effort with but who you can enjoy some things with..........or you might decide to cut them off in favour of even just a few people you can gradually call real friends/people in your life you can build real friendships with. No need to make immediate decisions there though.

And........what I should have said at the beginning..........welcome to PC!!!!
Glad you've felt able to share with us!! And if you need understanding, support, advice........well here's a great place to be.

Alison