[Nicky123]

Hi, I'm new here, though I was in and out here since 2011. I was recently diagnosed with BPD (and not happy about it) after years and years of being misdiagnosed and undiagnosed etc. I am trying to process a lot at present and one of the questions I have is,,,,why did therapy never work for me?..I have had several therapists over the years but it never worked for me. I think, and wondering if it is just me...is that, the reason therapy never worked is because I was never truly 'present' and when I had therapy I was constantly trying to get across to the therapist that I was in terrible pain. Also, I believe that I suffer from Depersonalization so as a result, I am thinking now, that while in therapy, that I was so disconnected from reality that it was probably impossible for me to take in what was going on. I don't suppose it really matters now but I would love to know if anyone else has had this experience with therapy? I am waiting to see a Psychologist(there's quite a waiting list) but feel now that as I am a lot older I wonder if there is any point at all in going???? Thanks in advance. Nicky.

[Angelique67]

Hi Nicky. I'm not sure how to answer, so I'm just bumping your post.

Welcome to the forum!

[dancinglady]

I can tell you that I had the same experience. I know for a fact that as I got older therapists just played games. I had 21 therapists tell me that they had nothing to offer someone like me who had been in therapy for so long. They give up on me cuz there is too much aging and not a lot of open doors for success - relationships, job opportunities - age discrimination, health starts going south. They want to work with young kids that have an entire life ahead of them. They find if they get a BPD really young they have much more success.

[Nicky123]

Thanks for the replies. Dancinglady....good to hear you have had similar experience. It is a pity that therapists and others feel that because we are older that we can be left to our own devices. That said, I do believe that my coping skills have improved quite a lot, especially in the last few years when things were very difficult for me. I am not sure if Borderline Personality Disorder existed when I was young, I mean I don't know if that label was around back in the day!! I am so glad that there IS help out there for young people now and that they may be helped along this difficult journey. The way I'm trying to look at things now is that I have survived this far, so will probably survive the rest...I wish that my life could have been different and that I was 'normal'. This disorder can rob you of such potential and limits every area of our lives..(well, mine anyway!!)
Thanks....Nicky.

[Kimaya]

Welcome!

Therapy is hard work. I recommend preparing for sessions with homework, and focusing on trying to understand what is causing you pain. Its like a puzzle.

It took me some time to figure out what the heck I was doing in therapy, as well as several therapists.

Gl!

[Crazy Hitch]

I got my dx of BPD extremely late but my characteristics / tendencies only kind of tend to flare up when I'm faced with extreme life events. We're just all so different in the way we represent, which is why I kind of think you were diagnosed / misdiagnosed like I was too.

Don't worry too much about the label. That's insignificant nonsense. That's just a term out therapists or doctors need to "define" us as in order to help us with the best treatment. Don't worry about it. You're still the same person today as you were before you woke up on the day when you were labeled. So it's all good. You're not the label. You're the person (who just so happens to incidentally have BPD - that's all).

We get you here.

So keep posting and we'll listen

Hang in there!

[Chuva]

Hi Nicky,

I've had a similar experience. I was misdiagnosed or undiagnosed for 13 years before coming to a diagnosis of BPD. I'm just 33, so I know for a fact that the BPD diagnosis existed 13 years ago.
Therapy has never worked for me, too. Nonetheless, I'm feeling better now than I was 10 years ago. But that's at the price of taking lots of meds. Psychotherapy simply doesn't work.
I've come to the conclusion that's because I'm not doing the right kind of therapy. I've done CBT for many years, now I'm doing MBCT, which is still a sort of CBT. It worked wonders for panic attacks and phobias (though not all phobias), but nothing for BPD. I am now considering DBT, although I'm not quite sure about it, because I would probably need to move in order to do it, as thay don't do it in my area.

[avlady]

i remmber one of my first therapists where we would just sit there and i didn't say anything until i got to the point of screaming what the heck am i doing here and other smart remarks. i switched therapists so many times for over 30 years now, i have a great one now and am happy with her. don't give up, it too 20 years for me to find the right one and i am so happy about it.

[Cynefrid]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I can tell you that I had the same experience. I know for a fact that as I got older therapists just played games. I had 21 therapists tell me that they had nothing to offer someone like me who had been in therapy for so long. They give up on me cuz there is too much aging and not a lot of open doors for success - relationships, job opportunities - age discrimination, health starts going south. They want to work with young kids that have an entire life ahead of them. They find if they get a BPD really young they have much more success.

Sorry but what's your age?
Sorry to hear you were so dismissed.

[Cynefrid]

Originally Posted by Chuva

Hi Nicky,

I've had a similar experience. I was misdiagnosed or undiagnosed for 13 years before coming to a diagnosis of BPD. I'm just 33, so I know for a fact that the BPD diagnosis existed 13 years ago.
Therapy has never worked for me, too. Nonetheless, I'm feeling better now than I was 10 years ago. But that's at the price of taking lots of meds. Psychotherapy simply doesn't work.
I've come to the conclusion that's because I'm not doing the right kind of therapy. I've done CBT for many years, now I'm doing MBCT, which is still a sort of CBT. It worked wonders for panic attacks and phobias (though not all phobias), but nothing for BPD. I am now considering DBT, although I'm not quite sure about it, because I would probably need to move in order to do it, as thay don't do it in my area.

Don't do DBT then as it's the same as CBT + more validation and acceptance and a bit of meditation techniques. You can learn them on your own.
Try a different method as psychodynamic therapy or mentalization based therapy, they have both strong empirical support.

[Chuva]

Thanks Cynefrid but I don't think you find those around here.
I'm having an appointment with a new psychiatrist next Thursday, then I'll see if he suggests DBT or not. I have a friend (also borderline) who does it and says it's been working great.

[The_little_didgee]

Perhaps therapy didn't work because you were misdiagnosed. I found therapy useless until I was properly diagnosed, since everything I said and did was misinterpreted.

[Nicky123]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am not in therapy now but I did want to know what others' experience of therapy was. As I'm newly diagnosed with BPD I am trying to look back over things and see areas that I really struggled with. I'm waiting on an appointment with a psychologist but whatever is said,,I don't intend to do therapy again because I just know it would be a waste of time for both myself and the therapist. I really don't like this diagnosis at all but as Hooligan says...I'm the same person I was before I got the label. Thanks again.

[Nicky123]

Yes, I think it's right that I may have been misinterpreted as a result of being misdiagnosed for so long. I always felt that the therapist were not listening to me and I went away frustrated as I'm sure they were too. I think I'm too old now for therapy and I think because I have got this diagnosis, and, read much about it since, that I will be able to deal with it on my own as I'm more aware of the areas I need to work on. I do feel very ashamed and so unhappy with this dx.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Perhaps therapy didn't work because you were misdiagnosed. I found therapy useless until I was properly diagnosed, since everything I said and did was misinterpreted.

This makes sense.

Thanks for clarifying this because I can relate to it too.

For me therapy only kind of worked once the dx was established too because before that it was hit and miss. Unfortunately.

[pjnyc]

Don't get hung up on your diagnosis. Doctors have to make a diagnosis for medical records and insurance companies. Sometimes they will use a diagnosis that gives them the most freedom for treatment options. Focus on the symptoms, not the label. (I learned this from a couple different doctors.)

[Nicky123]

Thanks pjnyc....yes, I do agree with you. The 'label' is not really important.