[IzzyMarie]

Hi. I've been having a bad week and I've been raging on my family and friends pretty much daily. I don't know how to explain to them what I go through when I'm triggered, but when I do try

Possible trigger:

they continue to invalidate my feelings and make it all about themselves. They don't even bother to try to ask themselves, or even me, what's going on with me. I've grown up with every type of invalidation you can come up with and my family continues to dish it out. Sometimes I think they deserve it when I tear them down with my rage. What really gets me is my mom knows about it all and she continues to press my buttons. It's obvious to me that she gets off on it. I can get angry with her, she can run to my sister and get comfort. My mom's so hungry for attention, yet she doesn't want to give any.

I think Thursday was the worst. My friend was being a jerk to me and he just wouldn't stop.

Possible trigger:

I'm positive he likes how he can take it all out on me and I keep coming back for more, because I'd rather deal with the abusive nature of him than be completely alone. He brought up past issues, which is probably something he should avoid with me and I split on him. I wasn't aware of it until after therapy that day and I had time to reflect, but I had already completely blocked him and I said some really nasty things. I'm surprised he was so understanding. He said that he knew I didn't mean it and we're "friends" again, until next time. I wish I could explain to him that he hurts me with the things he says, but I can't get the words right.

I love people, but I get hurt by them too easily. Even when I am with someone I feel alone, but their company distracts me from my depression and stuff.

Possible trigger:

Tomorrow my family will all get together and I will stay up in my room to avoid disrupting their fun. They'll forget about me until they need me and I'll die a little more inside.

[CopperStar]

IMO and IME, if you have BPD, the chances are high that your FOO are like an emotional viper pit. You will never be able to try out normal, healthy operating with them, they will just reinforce your symptoms over and over. So don't beat yourself up here; you're literally trying to get better while dealing with the people who likely made you develop BPD in the first place.

This is especially the case when it comes to learning how to communicate calmly but assertively, because people with BPD usually have at least one person in their family with a history of going after emotional vulnerability like sharks smelling blood in the water. So you can get into this situation where you're supposed to work on communicating your emotional needs, yet you know that if you expose any 'weaknesses' then someone is going to take advantage and try to get at you with it.

You just can't get better when you're trying to use dysfunctional-*** people to practice with, be they friend, family, or whatever.

[IzzyMarie]

Thanks for your reply. I understand what you're trying to say. I'm stuck in this "pit" with no where to go; so I thought I would try to change my families perspective and get them to change, but it's pointless at this point. I was surprised my friend was so calm after what happened. Normally it would have been WW3 between us. We have broken our friendship and rekindled it at least twenty times since I've known him. I think he has other agenda's to keep me around, but it was still nice to hear someone act like they understood.