[Seraphine]

This senior client officer that works for the place i rent through, I've had to complain about her before. She even has made the neighbours cry. And my neighbour has the nicest house in the street. Well i lost the paper with the inspection date, and its either today or tomorrow. I've been having panic attacks all night. Even dreamed about it. Her holding me hostage in my home. I know what I need to do, call up her supervisor and complain again, but I'm still freaking out big time. I really do think it's time for therapy, because I can't handle this.

[Skeezyks]

I'll hold a good thought for you, Seraphine. Yes, perhaps some therapy might prove to be a beneficial thing...

[Seraphine]

Thanks skeezyks *hugs*
Oh, and finding out that my oldest, whom my ex kidnapped interstate as a baby to punish me for leaving him, i found out she is living with her grandmother, who lives an hour away. That's certainly not helping with the stress levels. I'm so hyper adrenalized that I can barely think right now. Gaaah. Lobotomy anyone? That might help... (Joking, yes i know they're permanent and not good)

[Fuzzybear]

[ThunderGoddess]

I hope you start to feel less stressed soon try and imagine things going the way you want them to sometimes I find that helps calm me down when I am expecting the worst because of a reinforcing environment.

[Seraphine]

Thanks guys *hugs all round*
I found the letter, which is good, means definitely not today. But she managed to write Tuesday the 25th, which seems me into a whole new spiral of whether it's tomorrow or Wednesday. Still going to call her supervisor this morning. Taking vetting psychologists in my area even more seriously now. I need to get this under control. This much stress and I just stop functioning.

[Seraphine]

OK so I got things done and feel a bit better for it. Rang up the team supervisor, food her what had happened, broke down on the phone a bit tbh, but she was really good and said i wouldn't have to speak to the horrid client officer again. Rescheduled inspection. So I feel a bit better. Went to the health center to see if the midwife I used to go to for my kids check ups was still there, because I trust her, but nobody was there, so felt a little thwarted from that.
But, i got it done! Major upswing points for getting something important done before mid day! Now time to email a few psychologists in my area to see if i can get anywhere. *thumbs up*

[Skeezyks]

[Seraphine]

My stupid tablet can't do the smilies, but i feel all warm and fuzzy XD thanks Skeezyks! Just hoping the horrid woman doesn't turn up today just to be spiteful. Yesterday's stress has already made me unwell. :/

[TryingToMoveForward]

I find when my thoughts and emotions are spiraling out of control, I tell them "STOP." And imagine a stop sign as well. Then I tell myself "I am in control." And then try to find a way to tackle the stressors one at a time.

In any case... -HUGS-

[Seraphine]

I keep forgetting when I'm stressed to go watch these vids I find on YouTube. There are a few that have been helping, like one guy who has been treated for BPD for a few years, he shares how he regulates his emotions. I was too out of it to even consider it. I think it's also time to take up what he called a what if diary. I do colour in when stressed too. But the last couple of days were just too much though. Too much fluctuation. Too much stress.
I *think* I will buy a book tomorrow, and in it write what to do to calm each emotion when it gets too out of control. That sounds like a good idea tbh. Sorry I prattle on, writing/typing helps me think. Lol

[James2128]

Glad you're feeling better Seraphine I don't know if I would have been able to do what you did but I'm glad you did. You guys talking on here has actually helped me, I've been feeling really overwhelmed but what you guys have said has made me feel much more calm and in control, your prattling helped me Seraphine Hope you carry on improving, seems like you have a good mindset and good ideas

[Seraphine]

Aawww, shucks, thank you James! If what have blathered on about has helped, then it's all worth it in my opinion that's half of my problem tbh, I think so so much, constantly. Even to sleep I need asmr or sheer exhaustion to get there! Calm i can work out solutions to almost anything but overwhelmed? Nah. Brain is too busy obsessing over what's wrong to even remember to blow or draw bubbles :/

[James2128]

You're welcome and it really did help thanks

Damn that sounds quite tough. So you're thinking so much that you forget about things you use to calm down? Maybe if you've got stuff on your mind, even just a little bit, think about what you can do to relax. If you do escalate further then keep trying to remember and hopefully if you get really bad you'll remember what to do. If you see what I mean ahah

[Seraphine]

Lol i even forget to even try tbh. That's why I'm going to do this book. A real, physical thing I can refer to when my rational thoughts have up and toddled off out of stress. I'll let you know how it goes
But yeah, an over active brain, it's got is ups, but the downs are massive too. Oh well, that's how it goes! I'm determined to make today a good day!

[lavendersage]

Originally Posted by TryingToMoveForward

I find when my thoughts and emotions are spiraling out of control, I tell them "STOP." And imagine a stop sign as well. Then I tell myself "I am in control." And then try to find a way to tackle the stressors one at a time.

In any case... -HUGS-

I love the Marilyn quote in your signature.

[TryingToMoveForward]

Originally Posted by lavendersage

I love the Marilyn quote in your signature.

I didn't know that was her quote until recently and I was like OMFG that is so me. Except I'm a whole lot insecure instead of a little. LOL.

How are we all doing today? Better than yesterday?

[Seraphine]

Yes! I've always loved that quote too!
And yes! Much better today! I have a plan to make my book today! How about everyone else? I hope you're all having a good day, if not, i hope it starts improving

[lavendersage]

Not a good day, sorry to have to say. Glad you're both doing better, though.

[Seraphine]

I'm sorry to hear that lavender, what would help improve it?

[James2128]

Writing a book sounds like a good idea to me Seraphine, should help a lot

Hope you start feeling better soon lavendersage

[Seraphine]

I'll let you know how i go, i think I will divide it into emotions, like anger and anxiety, maybe another for acting out, and a section each for distraction writing and emotion diary, so i have a physical record of my emotions and what triggered them. It's been put off until Friday now, because then i can go into the big department store and get a pretty one yeah I'm a sucker for pretties. Lol

[James2128]

Hahah that sounds like a really good idea, just what you need really. And you never know, writing it all out might help you remember it

[Seraphine]

Lol, i hope so! Getting the book got put off until tomorrow, so I can get a prettier one from the department store, I'm really excited tbh, lol

[Seraphine]

*sigh* well my day slipped fast. Somehow got to the kind of thought of how emotional disregulation can be traumatic for the people around us, then to believing i should push everyone i really care about away to not risk hurting them. Hopefully i can shake this off fast, because it really stated out so well :/
What really sucks is that i can't tell my bf, he would just tell me to get over it. Stop being dramatic. Etc. So i bottle it up. I almost emailed them. Smh.