[iconoclast88]

Hey, all. It's hard to describe exactly what's going on. I used to routinely see a therapist, and also have been on paxil since I was very young for anxiety and OCD.

Lately, I've had some different symptoms. I'm 27, and within the last year or so, I've started having some major issues that I'm trying to figure out.

My first love and boyfriend of like 4 years (lived together for 3) and I broke up like 2 years ago, and ever since then I've had this ridiculous fear of abandonment. He cheated on me with a girl that I hate and that is friends with my best friend. She knew the whole time, and I've been close to her since I was 5 years old. It just makes me wonder about people - if anyone in this whole world is trustworthy.

Anyway, my self worth has been totally shot. I'm not even sad about losing my ex anymore. It took me quite a while to get there - over a year. But I'm honestly not. These days, I have this just... general mistrust of everyone.

I drink way too much, and don't care if I have to go drive right after. I get irrationally angry at people I'm close to for no reason. I'm overly sensitive. I'm IMPULSIVE.

This probably doesn't nearly describe what I'm going through at all, but I'm currently seeking out a psychiatrist gain to see if I can be helped at all. And also hoping to join a community of people who likely know what I'm going through.

So anyway... hi.

[CopperStar]

BPD begins developing in very early childhood. Don't let anyone slap a label on you just because you have normal emotions (anger, hurt, sadness, etc) in response to a very hurtful situation. It can take quite some time to fully grieve and heal from that level of betrayal, all details considered. If you have a hard time coping with things and struggle with anxiety and so on, then it might be taking you longer to go through the stages of grieving than the norm, and therapy might be able to help with that.

Now if you are able to trace patterns of BPD dysfunctions all throughout your life, then it might be worth it to look into BPD as a possibility. But again your emotional reactions and grieving length for what you experienced don't indicate that there's something wrong with you.

[avlady]

i'm sorry this happened to you. sometimes our best friends can be out worst enemies. i wouldn't worry about trusting people just because it happened, there are many good people in the world still. just be careful with who you befriend. please try not to drink too much or it will eat you alive.good luck

[TryingToMoveForward]

You are in good company here. We all understand. Believe me.

I didn't have the same betrayals, but after my GF dumped me I closed down. And I don't trust men. Or much of anyone for that matter. My self-worth is also shot.

So don't worry, you belong here and this is a great community. I'm sorry you went through all that.