[shezbut]

UGH! The title says it all.... "My bf resents me."

We've been together for around 7 years ~ minus a few times when we had "broken up". Our last time together has been since 06/15, and we went upstate in July together, having a splendid time together! However, on our trip together, he drank a lot. I quickly began questioning the solidity of our relationship. Whether or not he truly cared, and so forth.

Since that time, things sure have changed!! We have gotten into repeated arguments now, all coming down to resentment towards me for leaving him. Mistrust. I'm f*****, basically. However, I feel very angry ~ enraged really! I haven't done anything wrong, and he treats me like crap, while oohing at other women (which he KNOWS makes me very insecure). WTH is going on?!

I *wish* that this was the end. Because, at least then, I would have some freaking closure to this damn relationship. Instead, it goes on for months as he leaves cruel letters under my apartment door. I feel like a POS. I *know* that I'm far from perfect. I keep trying and trying, yet he keeps breaking through my damn outer walls!

What else can I do?? There are many technicalities that I do not feel comfortable (at all) sharing, which may or may not go against me. These days, I have no idea on what does/doesn't look good for me! I am just really tired of the SOS & I don't want to go through this anymore. How do I get out of this?

[Seraphine]

I'm hardly an expert, but it seems most borderlines have rocky relationships. I certainly always have. And you shouldn't have to put up with head games life he pulls. I really wish I had something more to offer than support and the knowledge that you are absolutely not alone. *hugs *

[shezbut]

Thank you very much, Seraphine! I sure do wish that we didn't all struggle like this ~ it's miserable! Regardless, I am extremely helpful for your support. Thank you!

[henrydavidtherobot]

I usually don't preach giving up on long-term relationships, but he has to get over resenting you. My BF and I have recently been on AMAZING terms after I forgave him for breaking up with me. We decided to work out out right afterwards. We spent three weeks apart and I reset myself on a vacation in the Pacific Northwest and talked to my friends a lot and have forgiven him completely. You can't control him. He HAS to get over the past or else it simply can't work.

I'd suggest having a talk with him in which you ask him to identify his frustrations at the situations and NOT you.

I will say this though, leaving you abusive letters is not cool. It's emotionally abusive. No offense, but he sounds REALLY immature. There are good times and bad times with relationships, but overall, if you feel like a POS and wish it was the end, then it's not healthy for either of you.

Once again, I'd have a frank talk about how you are focused on recovery and how he either needs to be supportive or it won't work.

He might respond better if you speak humbly, but are assertive. You deserve the best.

[willow88]

Hi! I'm sorry you're having a tough time. When you say he keeps breaking through your outer walls are you meaning your self defense walls? Are you in love with him or is it just hard to let him go due to the fear of being alone? No one is perfect & everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and love.