aggravation

My biological family refused to help me when I told them I felt my life was in danger from my ex and asked for help to get away back then. They also refused to come visit me when my fiance at the time told them I was in a coma. I love my family and do not hold any of this against them, but I also realize I should not expect anything from them. I don't want to ask for donations from anyone - everyone is having
hard times - or at least "harder" times - at the moment, and I just feel this is something I should do for myself with God's help (at least monetarily speaking). I do appreciate the suggestion though. Thank you

That was when I was living in the abuse shelter - so I was calling the abuse shelter to let them know what I was planning. As far as why I went for the evals- if the abuse shelter wanted me evaluated, I had to go if I wanted to continue living there. As far as why go to counseling for our relationship etc - we don't want to start that til after we move out of state.

This is the quote I referred to when I said I am not sure what you meant when you said "some of those statements [you] have to agree with"? (It's from page 3 of this thread)

So again I was thinking. Maybe just maybe your therapist hurt your feelings in the last session. She acted like she was falling asleep but maybe just maybe she/he felt like you were exhibiting bad behavior and was just ignoring you and since we all want loads of attention your feelings got hurt.

Now was that an appropriate way to ignore you HE** NO. If she keeps it up you need to file a compliant with the TN licensing board. Then when this happened your brain went into all or nothing good or bad black or white thinking. Your mental health team became the all bad all nothing all black mental health workers. Just maybe.

I experienced that when I was in therapy with a psychodynamic therapist he would just turn around and start working at his desk - drove me crazy but then we would talk and he compassionately explain why. I learned a lot from him. In the end he abandoned me and I filed s complaint with our licensing board. He is now a "PH.D. Life coach". Major demotion.

Just think about this.

Since u r moving pull out of therapy with these people. The way they are acting they will eventually terminate you anyway. Save ur $$ for the move and start over fresh with DBT in your new area. Double make sure they have DBT. Whatever you do DO NOT MOVE to VA.

Since you are religious go and get involved in some church groups like bible study religious classes.
I know where u live u should have loads of these opportunities. Get out of the house do something with your time. Get your mind off you. Works wonders. I know it is hard but it only takes several baby steps.

It's actually the 3rd time in a row she has done it and she has done it ever since the session where she said "I am going to send papers recommending that we cease treatment because you no longer require it" and I told her I felt I do. She asked why, said "you no longer have any issues apparently" (because she had been focusing on the abuse my ex had been giving me previously and had originally told me after we got thar dealt with we would move on to my BPD and PTSD and depression and anxiety). I told her I still have issues. She said like what? I said PTSD for one. She asked for an example. I told her about how I get thinking about my mom and a few other things she just shrugged it off. She said what else? I said depression. She said "what makes you think you have that"? So I explained to her how I feel at times and that I been having it happen for over 20yrs. She said "well if its been going on that long how am i gonna change it now?" Then asked "what else?" So I told her about my anxiety - again her reaction was basically a shrug. Then she asked what else? I said "well what about my BPD that's not going anywhere and nobody will help me with it?!" She said "well I'm not convinced you have BPD." I said then I guess you should talk to my psychiatrists because they have had me diagnosed with it the past 10 yrs - they bounced back and forth btwn bipolar and BPD for a few yrs but last 10 it's been BPD. (She has only been seeing me 6 mo at that point. So, I think it's just she wants me gone. The only reason I don't terminate is I don't want to give her any reason to recommend to disability to discontinue bc if I have to go back to work I will b in psych hosp all the time all over again and I don't want that - and once you lose disability it is very hard (if not impossible) to get back again.

I count myself as Christian because I believe in Jesus, God, and the bible; however, I do not believe in religion. To me religion adds man's rules to God's "laws" - which is why there are so many different religions - because of so many differing rules added in by man. God did not ask for us to do that - only to follow God, therefore I do not go to the churches either. I do my worship n prayer n fellowship n bible reading outside of the church. Sorry to get into private beliefs, I just felt a need to clarify. If you feel differently, that is fine. I do not judge. Your beliefs are yours just are mine are mine. As far as getting out - at times me n my ex get out walking with our dogs to the river and such so we do sometimes "get away", just that this stuff is generally at least in the back of the mind.

Ok from an outsiders opinion first she sounds like a crisis based therapist - short term in and out as fast as possible. Second she will write that letter to terminate you whether you want her to or not. Third she had probably figured out why you are coming back - one reason to stay on disability. They hate that reason and will push you out faster than ever. Fourth you are attached to her she has handled that completely wrong and now the only way she probably knows is to run to the hills. Fifth someplace in your brain you are experiencing rejection and abandonment feeling and you are mad as hell at her. I know this sounds irrational but this is your subconscious (your little inner child) doing this work.

So you know your priorities. Find another realistic grounded in reality crisis and that way she will not discharge. Here is one you are still involved with your ex, you are trying to marry men off the internet. THERE are TWO major dysfunctional reasons. Move to Austriala and marry a man that you have only video chatted with NO WAY. People lie on the Internet DUH. You are in your 40s please. Another totally act out in her office throw pillows have a temper tantrum.

Ok - I am going to say this upfront right at the start. Most of your response to me just now came off (to me) as very aggressive, full of sarcasm at some points and almost attacking. I am going to attempt to respond to this now without getting upset. Here it is:

No. She is not a crisis counselor. I know the difference as I have been to both over the years - this is not her function. The facility she works from is out-patient care whether or not you are in crisis. Second, I don't remember saying she "couldn't" or "wouldn't" write a letter to terminate my care, however does that mean I do not get to voice my feelings about it to her? No. She is my counselor. Thar is what she is there for (and me too), but whether or not she was my counselor, I have a right to let my feelings be known. Next, I am not going to counseling ONLY for disability - I need it (the counseling) - but, as far as counselors, I am out of options - I either make this one work or none. Yes, ONE of my reasons is because of disability. You did not suggest simply getting rid of her - you suggested getting rid of "all" of them until I got moved. I am simply not willing to do that both for reasons of my disability and my mental health. Next, as far as me being attached to her - if there was someone else my insurance would approve that I have not already tried n disliked for one reason or other, I would go - that simply isn't the case. As far as rejection n abandonment- you know what happens when she "falls asleep"? I don't get sad or depressed or scared like I do when I feel those things, I get flat out angry and just let her sit there. I don't even try to talk or anything. I figure quite simply, I have more time to think about things without anything or anyone else bothering me - for whatever time she decides to let me stay in her office. So, rejection? No - I lost that sense of BPD when I had my last 2 major breakdowns. Now, if anything - I have a sense of "self" that might ne too strong, not sure bc this is the first time I've ever had a sense of self. Now, you know nothing about "what I am trying to do". Just because I ONCE had a fiance a YEAR ago that I met online, doesn't mean it's a habit nor something I planned. It was nor is neither. Love happens. Online love is not unique to me. Online relationships that end in marriages are actually becoming more frequent- and yes, many ARE successful. Yes, people lie online. Do they not lie to your face? I saw him ALL the time - not just "sometimes". It was literally like being there with him. He took his cam out in the yard if he went outside so I could see him out there. The only time I did not see him was if he was in the bathroom. Sitting in judgement of someone is easy - I have told you quite a bit about me. You have told me nothing about you. I have to wonder about that. Are you afraid I will look upon you with the same judgmental view?

OMG I never meant it to come across like that. I was just putting together what you have already said what I experienced in my life and analyzed it and came up with the results. No sarcasm no other intentions to help better understand your situation. I would never be that mean. I am only trying to help.

You know crypts maybe this is not working. I am really trying to help and you perceive me in very negative ways. We are both survivors of emotional abuse and neglect. Maybe we are just too close to the same life history to be helpful to each other. How about we take a break. I wanted to mention that 795 people are reading our conversation. Must be a popular topic. You know there is a "psychotherapy forum". They might have better insight. I am not judging you I am only trying to help you out of your pain.

Ok, thank you for clarifying that- with that in mind, however - my reply to you would be the same except for the last phrase regarding "your judgemental view" and the introduction in which I explained how I felt. The rest of it I pretty well just stated plain facts without adding emotion to it. The end, where I said "I notice you have not said much about yourself" - it does make me curious because I tend to try to help others by citing examples from my life, but also because I would like to understand you better.

You are fine - online it's hard to tell how something is ontended. That's why I stated how it came across to me - so we could work from there - and then answered it after that. I like to confront things and make sure I am not misperceiving something, if I am, then there is no reason for me to go off hot-headed right? So, I like to make sure I have it right first. In this case I misperceived it. Thank you for clarifying it for me.

We are up to 820 people wow this is really powerful. There is not much to me. I have suffered with BPD for 36 years. I was in all forms of therapy for 34 years. DBT is the only thing that helped. I wasted 33 years in other forms. I did not succeed in life. I have two ID children so did not succeed in that either. I guess trying to help people on this site from our conversation I am not succeeding here either. I have no family no friends IRL. I am a loser and a failure. That is pretty much it.

You are neither a failure nor a loser. Life gives us all hard knocks, some it gives harder than others (I've lived and learned that both by feelin I got harder knocks n seeing others get even worse ones). I have no real life friends myself either and very few online. The only child I ever had I was "forcibly persuaded" (I suppose would be a correct terminology for it) to adopt out, and the rest of my relatives are very distant at best from me. You know my relationship with my "love life" - so if social life is why you have determined you are a loser, I suppose that would fit me right in there too. Problem is - I'm not a loser. Therefore, neither are you!

As far as being helpful - do you know, sometimes, just talking is helpful? You don't have to provide earth shattering advice or life changing advice to be helpful - just be there to talk to. Maybe your advice is things I cannot use bc I have already done those things or my situation won't allow - but perhaps one of our readers of this conversation can use your advice. Don't ever sell yourself short. I too believe DBT is beneficial, that's been one of my main probs, the only therapy I am offered is CBT and bc the therapists here just don't care I have actually learned CBT so well over the years, I now know how to "guide" my sessions when I feel myself getting to a point in which I need more care than I am being provided. Weird huh?

Are you still in therapy?

No I was abandoned by my last T. I no longer have the $$ for the copays too close to retirement.

Do they have any kind of community assistance programs there that could help you with part of your finances so you can afford your copays?

No. I am taking a long deserved break and just practicing my DBT skills. I would only go back for a refresher of DBT skills at this point. I believe I have addressed and work through the major issues so now it is just practice practice practice the skills. If I get stuck I can always call my old DBT skills therapist for help. He has agreed to that whenever I need this I can just call.

In my opinion for us who suffered emotional abuse CBT is the worst form of therapy. UGH!!!!!

Do you know where you want to move. Over the years I have researched almost every area and their mental health resources. What are your top picks.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/157224...e+dbt+workbook

The one I bought and its very good. And before you state it, no I dont plan on buying it for you. There comes a time in life where we need to stop blaming everyone else and change yourself. Your therapist cant change you, the people on this site cant change you, your friends and family cant change you; only YOU can change you.

And before you state that I didnt have the trauma you did (which is true and I dont trauma compare) you might want to look at my bio. I also know what its like to try to change the only world you know inside out, on my own since only I cant change me!

Just a few thoughts.

I know things have cooled down but wanted to let you know, you didnt come across that way. Everyone takes the intentions of written word how they take it based on their emotional state at the moment.

Thanks for the book and its link. It looks really good.

It is good to have different perspectives.

It is. Only in chapter 2 and getting a lot out of it. Its written in workbook style (you working/writing too through it) and in a way the it helps you apply the stuff to real life. Its awseome! Its the book my therapist has