[Pastel Kitten]

A close friend of mine who used to talk to me regularly recently had not been on skype for 5 days. That is very unlike him. He had never been offline for that long, and even if he had periods where he was, he'd notify me of what he was going to be offline for. He did not do that at all this time, so I really started to worry that something had happened to him...or that he was now starting to dislike me. I messaged his girlfriend asking if he was alright, and she said "yeah, gimme one second." A minute later he appeared on skype and said hi. I asked where he had been and he told me he got busy with work, was tired in the evenings, and therefore has not been online much. This sounds reasonable of course but I'm very suspicious because his job has always been very, very undemanding. He'd talk to me all the time while at work. I know things change but I highly doubt that they changed so soon...and why didn't he notify me? He then said "I have to go back to work now. Bye." which is also very unlike him to say. He is usually much warmer in demeanor and doesn't just leave like that. I think that he really doesn't care about me anymore because 2 ish weeks ago we had an argument (really stupid argument that he started) and he has been much more distant ever since, despite my attempts to keep things as close as they were before. I feel that this behavior isn't something that should occur between two close friends...

I understand that with BPD comes a fear of abandonment...but am I being unreasonable? It's kind of hard for me to convey how cold he is acting because you'd have to know him. I'm just very, very upset - angry even, because things like this have been happening for years, and whenever I try to salvage the friendship, things still go downhill. I'm so sick of losing close friends. I need closeness in my life, especially with where I am right now. I feel so alone despite having my boyfriend whom I live with.

[cryingontheinside]

You can have me as a friend!! Pm me any time. Thank you for your posts on my thread .

I can understand why you feel you are loosing a friend , its hard to tell what's going on with out knowing him but he is acting very distant. Could it be that his girlfriend is jelous of your friendship and has told him to stop ? I would give it some more time and see what happens, its possible he is tired and stressed and will be back to his normal self soon or you could be right. I'm sorry , it must be hard possibly loosing a close friend . hugs

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[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

You can have me as a friend!! Pm me any time. Thank you for your posts on my thread .

I can understand why you feel you are loosing a friend , its hard to tell what's going on with out knowing him but he is acting very distant. Could it be that his girlfriend is jelous of your friendship and has told him to stop ? I would give it some more time and see what happens, its possible he is tired and stressed and will be back to his normal self soon or you could be right. I'm sorry , it must be hard possibly loosing a close friend . hugs

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Thank you I did think of his girlfriend being jealous as a possibility, because I know he's mentioned she was in the past - but he told me that would never disrupt our friendship..so I'd be incredibly sad if it did turn out that way. My boyfriend keeps telling me that my friend does not dislike me, and that he's just busy. He tells me that I overthink friendships frequently. It's hard for me to understand why other people don't seem nearly as perceptive as me when it comes to my friends' behaviors...

[kamikazebaby]

People are often thoughtless and self-absorbed, and they don't always think (or even care) about how their behavior might be perceived by others, or that it might be hurtful. It could very well be that he is not being honest with you about the reason and doesn't just want to tell you that he doesn't want to talk about it. It could be some personal issue he is dealing with, or like cryingontheinside said, it could be the girlfriend influencing him to step back from you. It's very difficult to deal with this kind of thing when you don't understand what's going on behind the scenes and you care about the other person. But he is choosing to distance himself from you, so all you can do is do your best to respect his choice. If you fight it (now that you know he's okay), he may withdraw even more.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this with a friend.