[PinkFlamingo99]

Is anyone else very avoidant when it comes to relationships? In friendships I get nervous the other person doesn't really like me, thinks i'm ugly, or feels sorry for me so it's hard to let them in.

Romantic relationships are something else. I hate them. I like the sex and having someone to hang out with, but I don't want anyone around all the time, telling me they love me, etc. i love people a lot but at 33 I have never been *in* love or even thought I was, and I don't want to. After someone starts getting serious about me, I start planning how to get rid of them without hurting their feelings. I want to stay single for the rest of my life, and at this point I don't think I even can tall in love.

Is this another manifestation of bpd "chaotic" relationships? It kind of seems like the opposite of what a lot of people have, so I figured probably the same thing. This is always the criterion I feel like I don't have, and it seems like one of the most important. All of my rage is inward as well. I don't remember the last time I lost my temper. Literally probably 3 years ago.

This is actually common in BPD though for many they vacillate between feeling smothered and fearing abandonment. My guess is that you are avoiding the abandonment issue altogether with how you are handling your friends and lovers.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I do get horriblr abandonment fears, but never with guys, ever. It's not even that I'm afraid of close intimate relationships, I just don't want them.

[sp5992]

I know how you feel. I like being alone, relationships for some reason bring out the worst in me. Some days I just can't be around people. It's overwhelming and I get very anxious and when trying to date I get panic attacks. I think I will be alone for the remainder of my days which is fine with me. maybe one day this will change but I don't think it will without major therapy. There is nothing wrong with being alone if that is what makes you happy��

[duskette]

I have a similar experience. Most of my abandonment issues aren't around men or relationships. It's not that I want to be alone, but I'm terrified of close, intimate, physical relationships. At the same time, I want it more than anything. I haven't quite figured it out. I tend to chase after people who don't seem to want to like or love me as much as I care for them, and it causes me a great deal of pain.

[MobiusPsyche]

I don't know if it's "chaotic" relationships...or abandonment fears. But I have avoided intimate relationships (friendship and romantic and sexual) for more than twenty years and it has not made me any happier, or any less "borderline."