[NoChildSupport]

Sorry for the rambling but this has been bothering me for the past couple of days... Presents mean a lot to me. The fact that someone took money, even just a small amount, out of there pocket to get me something nice means the world to me. I've only had a few people who have given me anything in my life but I cherish what I have been given. Anyway, how would you feel if someone close to you told you they got you something for your birthday, you get excited & happy about it & are ready to cherish the gift & put it somewhere special, but you never receive it? You ask about it, they joke around, not revealing when they intend on giving you the gift & there's still no notice of it coming in the mail. I decided to leave it alone for a while, then asked him again about a month after my birthday & he tells me I'm obsessed with gifts cause no one really gets me anything so I backed off. My birthday was in February, August is halfway over. I honestly forgot about the stupid nonexistent present over the last several months but I remembered a couple of days ago & asked him what happened. Did you just play a mean joke on me knowing very well how much presents mean to me? He STILL evaded the question.... I don't get it? Why say you got me anything at all? Why the cruel joke? I'm sorry for whining and taking this so seriously but I've never had someone do something so mean just for the fun of it.

[leomama]

Do you still consider this person a friend? I've had a similar situation over something far more serious then a gift so I can relate.

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[Pastel Kitten]

Wow what is the point of that?? That would make me feel so awful. I'm sorry

[Frankbtl]

Hi NoChildSupport,

I'm not sure if he'd meant/means it as a joke, meant it in the cruel way you feel it as, or ever meant for you to feel hurt.......but I do totally understand how hurtful it must have been for you
Who knows, maybe he'd really/fully intended to get you a gift and forgot.........or had problems.............leading to him being embarrassed or ashamed about not getting one and tried to lighten/defuse the situation by making a joke or push it away by getting annoyed...........
Of course, that doesn't make the situation right at all ..........just thinking of possibilities........

And where to go from here.........I think that depends on how you see the rest of your friend/relationship with him, and how he treats you in general...........if he's often letting you down that will be different than if he is generally/the vast majority of the time reliable/important in your life............but you could explain to him fully how that made you feel, you could set some "ground-rules" to try to avoid something like this in the future (including no lying from him!!!)..............

If he matters to you, and is committed to respecting your feelings going on...........then I'd say that you could move on from this, it may not be easy for you but..........maybe give him a chance to show that you can trust him, and that he does care about your feelings/about you from here on in...........he might not get everything right (no-one can!!!) but if you can agree on the important things to aim for............



Alison

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear that you didn't get what was promised you. I probably wouldn't expect anything from him in the future.

[NoChildSupport]

Yeah.. It hurts lot. No matter the reason, there's no excuse for treating a friend that way. I think I'm going to distance myself from him. This is not the first time he's done something slightly sadistic. I don't mean to be a big baby over some dumb present, the whole just boggled my mind & it didn't make much sense to me

[leomama]

Originally Posted by NoChildSupport

Yeah.. It hurts lot. No matter the reason, there's no excuse for treating a friend that way. I think I'm going to distance myself from him. This is not the first time he's done something slightly sadistic. I don't mean to be a big baby over some dumb present, the whole just boggled my mind & it didn't make much sense to me

If he's sadistic he could be a narc so distancing yourself is the right thing to do.

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[Frankbtl]

Hi NoChildSupport

I wouldn't say that you were being a big baby at all

The "dumb present" bit............it's less about the present itself but what it signifies to you, right??
It's about a friend showing that you are valued as a friend, that you do matter to them, that your feelings are important and a bit of a mark of respect in them being considerate enough to buy you something on your birthday.........and you only have one birthday a year!!!
And if they haven't made that small effort for you..........I'd say you were fully entitled to feel hurt...........especially after they said they would.........and the following lies

But as you said.........it's not the first time you've been hurt by him..........so it sounds like you might be right in following your gut feelings in getting some distance from him
Friendship should be a two-way thing, and if he's not giving you the respect and consideration you deserve, then he doesn't deserve to be a friend.
I know it can be real hard being treated that way and having to cut off someone you've seen as a friend...........but some "friends" may not be real friends

Alison