[AmbivalentAnomaly]

I haven't posted here in so long nor have I been here in a while. I recently moved to a new country and am still trying to get into the Medical system for my BPD. I finally got my appointments! Next week though, but in the meantime, I feel my meds aren't working. I feel I've lost my sense of how to cope. I feel my emotions are so big I feel them physically again. Does anyone ever feel like this? Does anyone here feel their emotions physically also? Like they are so big inside you, your body and skin can feel them too.

I wake up every day to a new "personality" in my head because my emotions are so big and everywhere. It's tiring in itself because I never know what I'll feel each day I wake.

I'm also not used to living with people. I live with 4 other people in this house. I try so hard every day to keep to myself because if I don't, I will probably just burst into tears or say something impulsively like I always do.

I often miss living alone. Some parts of me feel living alone was better for me than living with people because I trigger so easily when my environment is constantly surrounded by people. Why do I trigger so easily? And I don't mean to have these triggers. They just happen.

I journal daily. I try so hard to self reflect and get my head right, but it is a constant battle. I've become exhausted in this fight.

I'm reaching out today mostly for validation of these feelings. I need to know I'm not alone in this daily fight in my head. I need to know that what I'm going through other people can understand.

[-Astral-]

Am sorry that you are feeling like this
i struggling everyday with triggers from the smallest things to really big things
with me its got to the point where i cant watch films that are aged 15 or 18 rated
i can watch 12a but i have to be careful as dark knight was a 12a and one of the characters face gets burnt and it was graphic i had to walk out the film house because of it
I have started to watch anime its dont trigger me but i have to be careful just in case

you cant help things trigger you its how you deal with that trigger
i not sure if you self injure etc do you like doing art? if you do try doing some
or try writing poems or stories anything that keep you busy and your mind occupied

[Unrigged64072835]

Big changes can tax your coping mechanisms. It's going to take some time to get used to the new routines. Continue to take gentle care of yourself during this time.

[jeremiahgirl]

I think some of what your experiencing is a combination of several elements, which could overwhelm anyone. Take in consideration (1) you've moved, (2) your living with other people, (3) your medically in need (meds), and finally (4) anxious about it ALL! I think you maybe over thinking all of these concerns, to a degree this is understandable however, BPD people think 24/7 which often adds excessive uncontrollable anxiety which isn't good. Sounds like you need a breather from it all. Take sometime to just "breath!" Step away from stressful events and distract your thoughts. This can be done by watching TV, going for a walk, journaling, going to a movie, etc. when I use to get stressed I watched cartoons. (Lol) sounds funny huh, it's meant to because we need laughter . You, can do this!! You have great strengths within you, pull on those tools. You need them now until your appointment comes.
Triggers can sometimes indicate a desire for "controlling" a situation which many with BPD like to do, we need to know what battles to fight. Own what's yours to handle and let go of others. We have enough to carry. My friend your going through what's known as transition which brings uneasiness. Seems like a tunnel but there's light on the other end. Breathed!! Ok ❤️

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[Pastel Kitten]

I 100% understand this. Things get overwhelming so quickly and so often. :/