[Becoming]

So hey guys. First, I'll answer my own question: I don't think I'm a sex addict. I think I'm just a 21 year old female with a high sex drive. I'm a lesbian by the way so no worries about getting pregnant.

Anyway...after a series of dating and then one relationship that went bad, I decided I just want to have fun. I don't want to date or be in relationship. I just want to hang out with people and have sex sometimes. Basically I am trying to find friends with benefits.

I reconnected with someone from about 5 years ago who I had sex with then. Found myself hitting on her trying to see if she will do it again. I somewhat hit on another friend but I'm sure that's not going anywhere cause she has a boyfriend (even though she hinted she would if she didn't have one). I also reconnected with another friend from a long time ago. We were never sexual but did like each other. She's pretty so I've been very subtly working on her too. Then there's someone I dated about six months ago or so who I had sex with. By far the best sex I have EVER had. So I've started talking to her again as well.

It's not that I would plan to have sex with all of these people, but I guess a couple or whoever consents. And I would be honest about what I am looking for so I don't hurt them.

Basically I am tired of commitment and dating and I just want at least one person to be physically close to sometimes.

So I guess not a sex addict? Just a horny young adult? Been a month since I've had sex and I'm starting to loose it lol.

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[Pastel Kitten]

I'd say it's normal for our age (I'm turning 21 in a week!) especially when BPD is in the picture since many of us greatly desire intimacy. I personally have a very hard time opening up sexually part of it was past abuse, but I think a lot of it has to do with my anxiety over becoming negative after sex (all the chemical releases) which has happened a number of times, even if the experience itself was enjoyable. Ugh, curse you mood swings. I wouldn't worry too much!

[Becoming]

Two of them said yes. One of them said we'll talk about it in person. Another one I sexted for a couple hours tonight and we're waiting to do it in person (she is like 3 hr away; an old college friend).

I don't know about the other two yet.

I'm glad this might not be weird after all though. Especially if these two girls have agreed to it already and they're around my same age.

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Think it seems like you are a sex addict. JMHO.

[Onward2wards]

IMO, not a sex addiction. Does it bother you? Or are you more bothered that other people might interpret it as something wrong? If it started to take over your life in ways that annoyed you and caused discomfort to yourself or others, I'd say that's a red flag. Anything less than that - no problem.

[Unrigged64072835]

Considering you just broke up with someone, maybe playing the field for a while wouldn't be a bad idea. Just as long as you or anybody else doesn't get hurt.

[MobiusPsyche]

As long as everyone knows what's going on...and what isn't...and consents ,no problem . Might not be a good long-term strategy or life choice, but that's not what I hear you contemplating here. I hear you talking about a right now, I'm young and want to have some fun type of thing. Be safe out there!

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

IMO, not a sex addiction. Does it bother you? Or are you more bothered that other people might interpret it as something wrong? If it started to take over your life in ways that annoyed you and caused discomfort to yourself or others, I'd say that's a red flag. Anything less than that - no problem.

I suppose it's more about what other people could think. But I guess I shouldn't care as long as I'm doing what makes me happy and being safe. So far it's not causing any trouble to my life and I don't plan on letting it. With my sex drive though I tend to want some sort of sexual activity several or more times per week. At the same time I don't plan on letting it effect my responsibilities either though.

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Considering you just broke up with someone, maybe playing the field for a while wouldn't be a bad idea. Just as long as you or anybody else doesn't get hurt.

Yeah. I am going to be honest with everyone about what I'm looking for. I'm not interested in a relationship at all right now but just people to be physically close with.

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

As long as everyone knows what's going on...and what isn't...and consents ,no problem . Might not be a good long-term strategy or life choice, but that's not what I hear you contemplating here. I hear you talking about a right now, I'm young and want to have some fun type of thing. Be safe out there!

I agree. I figure eventually I'll meet someone who is right for me or who I want a relationship with, but it's just not right now. I'm not ready for it because I don't really trust people any more quite frankly lol. Too many expectations and too much emotion in relationships. Friends with benefits seems much more simple if both people are on the same page.

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There's nothing wrong with seeking out just for sex without commitment. It's normal and no, you're not an addict. I've been having the urge to have no-strings-attached sex for the last week and a half. So I can understand. As others have said go have fun and be safe.

[HD7970GHZ]

I can relate. I definitely want sex. For me the sexual desires are mixed with shame so I am left feeling like I am a bad person for craving sexual intimacy.

Do you relate to feeling shame as a secondary emotion to your sexual desires?

For me it is the intimacy that I crave. Then again, I have never really had a long-term relationship and I avoid intimate relationships for fear of abandonment and also due to confidence / self-esteem issues and avoidant personality traits... So perhaps my situation is different because I am just so alone. It is really hard.

I think it is important to see these things you crave as needs not being met. It is okay to meet your needs and want to meet your needs. People with BPD definitely experience loneliness and love more intensely, so it would make sense that you desire it so much. I know for myself that being in a relationship is the closest thing to happiness I have ever experienced. Most people with BPD will probably agree that healthy relationships are like being on cloud nine. Sometimes it can be overwhelming though, so we have to catch ourselves before it takes over our lives and enters insecure attachment styles.

Be mindful of your sexual urges, but don't allow shame to keep you from experiencing them. You are human and you have needs and you deserve to have them met.

Oxytocin is the chemical most associated with cuddling and physical intimacy. I am lacking it for sure, so I have teddy bears that I hug when I am feeling out of spirits. This can sometimes be confused with sexual desire, which is usually intermixed. The teddy bears help me, but when I am in a state like I am in now; even a slight brush against my skin by another human being makes me feel alive. It is an instant positive effect. I am so bloody lonely that I cry and wrap myself in blankies with teddies because I just want someone to hug me and hold me.

Do you relate?

Apparently Borderline sufferers can confuse physical intimacy needs with sexual needs; which is why some therapists refrain from hugging patients, despite their end-of-the-earth desire to be hugged.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[ImmerAllein]

Hi there,

I love the honesty and innocence and rawness in your post

First off, labels do NOT help anyone. Second, things are not that black and white in life. What one person considers an "addict" may be totally "normal" to another. Finally, let's say there's a book written by the geniuses of the world that calls you an "addict" ... umm ... SO EFFING WHAT ?!!! Who cares ?!!! What does that really amount to, in the end, when you're in the wooden box under two feet of Earth ?

Some people want sex more than others. Some people want commitment, others don't.

None of that matters. Here's what I think does:
1 - Enjoy your youth. Enjoy your life. Very important !
2 - Stay safe, to the best of your knowledge and ability.
3 - Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Lots of things in life are a gamble. This is definitely one of them. The only way you're gonna figure this one out is by going out there and doing it. Get ready for some fun but also some hurt ... i.e., LIVE ! Or, alternatively, sit at home and watch yourself get older each day.

That's my two cents

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

I can relate. I definitely want sex. For me the sexual desires are mixed with shame so I am left feeling like I am a bad person for craving sexual intimacy.

Do you relate to feeling shame as a secondary emotion to your sexual desires?

For me it is the intimacy that I crave. Then again, I have never really had a long-term relationship and I avoid intimate relationships for fear of abandonment and also due to confidence / self-esteem issues and avoidant personality traits... So perhaps my situation is different because I am just so alone. It is really hard.

I think it is important to see these things you crave as needs not being met. It is okay to meet your needs and want to meet your needs. People with BPD definitely experience loneliness and love more intensely, so it would make sense that you desire it so much. I know for myself that being in a relationship is the closest thing to happiness I have ever experienced. Most people with BPD will probably agree that healthy relationships are like being on cloud nine. Sometimes it can be overwhelming though, so we have to catch ourselves before it takes over our lives and enters insecure attachment styles.

Be mindful of your sexual urges, but don't allow shame to keep you from experiencing them. You are human and you have needs and you deserve to have them met.

Oxytocin is the chemical most associated with cuddling and physical intimacy. I am lacking it for sure, so I have teddy bears that I hug when I am feeling out of spirits. This can sometimes be confused with sexual desire, which is usually intermixed. The teddy bears help me, but when I am in a state like I am in now; even a slight brush against my skin by another human being makes me feel alive. It is an instant positive effect. I am so bloody lonely that I cry and wrap myself in blankies with teddies because I just want someone to hug me and hold me.

Do you relate?

Apparently Borderline sufferers can confuse physical intimacy needs with sexual needs; which is why some therapists refrain from hugging patients, despite their end-of-the-earth desire to be hugged.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I just had sex with one of the people (like 20 minutes ago) but I only let her touch me and I didn't touch her back. She got me off, but I do feel somewhat guilty/dirty about it somehow. Not intense/bad/overwhelming though. We will see how I feel after some rest. I think part of it is that while I know her, it isn't too well and also that I've started more seriously talking to someone else that could turn into a relationship. I don't have a commitment or obligation to that girl yet but I still feel kind of wrong for having sex with someone else if you get my drift.

I like physical intimacy like cuddling but I don't want to do that unless I really like someone or preferably am in a relationship with them. If it's a friend with benefits type deal, the cuddling is not a thing. Kissing really isn't either. I'm kinda like "get me off and maybe I'll get you off" but we don't kiss or cuddle.

I can relate to the brush against my skin thing. That's especially true when I haven't had sex or any physical intimacy in a long time. This time was a little bit over a month so I didn't quite get to that point but was getting close.




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