[TheEmpresshasFallen]

I don't know if it's anxiety, PTSD or BPD... I truly don't know what it is...but it's hell.

I feel guilty ALL OF THE TIME. Even as a kid, I just felt like I had done something awful even though I was a very good kid. I'm always stressed...and now over the past 2 or 3 years it's been escalating. I feel like I deserve nothing good, and that all the bad things that happen to me are because I deserve it. I know this sounds dramatic, but I truly annihilate my own self worth and I don't know why. My self talk is awful. I've lost all of my confidence.

Why? What is this? Does anyone else have this constantly? What do you do? I'm so worn down with it. Everyone says I don't need to beat myself up...and I'd love not to...but I can't. I feel awful all of the time. The only time it goes away is when I'm drinking...and that's only for an hour or 2.

Why do I feel so inherently guilty? What is that?

[zijax]

Um how often do you drink? Have you ever thought that you might have a drinking problem? I'm not saying you do, but I identify with your feelings. I used to have them when I drank. In AA we call it an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

[TheEmpresshasFallen]

Originally Posted by zijax

Um how often do you drink? Have you ever thought that you might have a drinking problem? I'm not saying you do, but I identify with your feelings. I used to have them when I drank. In AA we call it an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

Up until this week, I drank daily. Again, I know it's bad coping but it was one of the only things I had. This week, I don't know. I can barely do that. It's actually quite aggravating.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by TheEmpresshasFallen

I don't know if it's anxiety, PTSD or BPD... I truly don't know what it is...but it's hell.

I feel guilty ALL OF THE TIME. Even as a kid, I just felt like I had done something awful even though I was a very good kid. I'm always stressed...and now over the past 2 or 3 years it's been escalating. I feel like I deserve nothing good, and that all the bad things that happen to me are because I deserve it. I know this sounds dramatic, but I truly annihilate my own self worth and I don't know why. My self talk is awful. I've lost all of my confidence.

Why? What is this? Does anyone else have this constantly? What do you do? I'm so worn down with it. Everyone says I don't need to beat myself up...and I'd love not to...but I can't. I feel awful all of the time. The only time it goes away is when I'm drinking...and that's only for an hour or 2.

Why do I feel so inherently guilty? What is that?

I don't have any kind of PD, but this was recently replied to and on the main boards, and caught my attention.

I've had a guilt complex for a good portion for a good portion of my life. Major mistakes made in recent years have amplified it to the point of tears and SI trying to cope with it....but even as a kid, I often felt like I needed to hide everything I did, always felt like I was doing something wrong. My mother thinks it's because I never did my homework and barely did any schoolwork, and felt bad about getting good grades without working hard, and the guilt spread elsewhere. I think that's an insultingly simplified explanation, but I don't know where it came from.

So: where does yours come from? What specific things make you think "I'm a bad person"? You don't have to write them here, but see if you can find them. They could tell you something.

[TheEmpresshasFallen]

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

I don't have any kind of PD, but this was recently replied to and on the main boards, and caught my attention.

I've had a guilt complex for a good portion for a good portion of my life. Major mistakes made in recent years have amplified it to the point of tears and SI trying to cope with it....but even as a kid, I often felt like I needed to hide everything I did, always felt like I was doing something wrong. My mother thinks it's because I never did my homework and barely did any schoolwork, and felt bad about getting good grades without working hard, and the guilt spread elsewhere. I think that's an insultingly simplified explanation, but I don't know where it came from.

So: where does yours come from? What specific things make you think "I'm a bad person"? You don't have to write them here, but see if you can find them. They could tell you something.

That's just it. I don't know. It's affecting my personal life so much, but I can't stop it and note I'm just self defeating. I'm convinced I'm bad. Then I do bad things...and I convince myself that I did it because I'm just a bad person. I'm so so tired. I'm having really bad thoughts because of it.