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  #1  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 01:45 PM
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Pastel Kitten Pastel Kitten is offline
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I drank a lot of alcohol again a few days ago because of how awful I was feeling and wanted to punish myself for it at the same time by allowing myself to get majorly hung over. I had a migraine all of the next day and didn't take pain killers until my boyfriend pushed them on me. Drinking didn't even make me feel better because I drank to the point that it all turned dysphoric and I started punching myself, pulling my hair out, and crying. Despite this, I crave alcohol again whenever I feel bad, and despite the fact I know I wouldn't drink to the dysphoric level again, I feel like a hopeless idiot for wanting more alcohol at all.

Am I forming an addiction? I'm already completely addicted to food and sweets and have to chew gum all day to prevent myself from overeating. I'm a small girl at a healthy weight and I already have a majorly warped self image, let alone if I did put on more weight. Can't imagine what I'd do to myself then. When I was 13 I ate far less food than normal because I thought I was "fat" so I know if I were to put on weight I'd likely go in the opposite extreme and try to starve myself.

When I was drunk I was quite literally hugging the alcohol like it was my savior even though it was hurting me. What is wrong with me??
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  #2  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 04:52 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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You may be forming an addiction, or you may just be abusing alcohol. Either way it's serious and needs further attention.
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Lonlin3zz, Pastel Kitten
  #3  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 09:57 PM
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Pastel Kitten Pastel Kitten is offline
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When I do drink, I always binge drink. I never just get buzzed or tipsy, but always very drunk. I actually didn't realize that people who socially drink with their friends don't always get wasted like I do at home alone.
__________________
Do at least one thing you enjoy each day.

I admit it

Dx: BPD, OCD, GAD, and PTSD traits
Rx: Lamictal 200mg and 0.5mg Ativan as needed



"Now I can see all the colors that you see."
  #4  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 11:30 PM
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Lonlin3zz Lonlin3zz is offline
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Alcohol is a depressant, but we crave for that feeling that alleviates our mood for a short while.

It just becomes another vicious cycle of pain, until you know whatever method that will pull you out of this cycle.

But in all honesty, I drank a while ago and got really wasted. The after-effect was so terrible, I had to tell myself it will end up worse if I continued. From the incident of emptying into a plastic bag at a friend's house, they refused to let me drink above 1/2 a cup anymore.

It's a detrimental process that you will embrace for now, but it's gonna kill you eventually.
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Pastel Kitten
  #5  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 11:40 PM
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Pastel Kitten Pastel Kitten is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz View Post
Alcohol is a depressant, but we crave for that feeling that alleviates our mood for a short while.

It just becomes another vicious cycle of pain, until you know whatever method that will pull you out of this cycle.

But in all honesty, I drank a while ago and got really wasted. The after-effect was so terrible, I had to tell myself it will end up worse if I continued. From the incident of emptying into a plastic bag at a friend's house, they refused to let me drink above 1/2 a cup anymore.

It's a detrimental process that you will embrace for now, but it's gonna kill you eventually.
I know it's so horrible for my body...but I'm also at the point where I care very little about what I do to myself. I think I should tell my therapist how much I drink in one setting, instead of casually saying "yeah, I drink alcohol sometimes" when they ask me if I do any substances. I'm sorry you've also had a bad experience with drinking.
__________________
Do at least one thing you enjoy each day.

I admit it

Dx: BPD, OCD, GAD, and PTSD traits
Rx: Lamictal 200mg and 0.5mg Ativan as needed



"Now I can see all the colors that you see."
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