BPD and escapism

Real life and real thoughts overwhelm and distress me . at the moment i am spending most of my time playing an online game and avoiding real life issues . is this a trait of bpd? Does anyone else here avoid reality ? I feel like I am living in my own little made up world and avoiding my actual life . even if someone phones me up when I'm playing the game I get very agitated and just want to go back to my own little world as soon as possible . even when my children are visiting me i am spending much of my time on my phone . i know its not good but i cant stop myself . it is a compulsion

I don't know if avoiding real life issues is a trait of BPD. I lead a pretty-much thoroughly solitary lifestyle. In my mind, I sometimes imagine the world being like a parade that has passed me by. And I'm just sitting here quite contentedly watching it trail off into the distance. Sometimes it occurs to me that perhaps I'm avoiding reality. And perhaps I am. But it doesn't really matter to me because I'm content to do so. (I rarely answer the phone.)

Hi Cryingontheinside,

I am writing this quickly so I apologize if it is not written well...

I want you to know that I relate to everything you wrote! Literally almost everything you wrote is word for word... I don't think this is a BPD trait though. Everyone is different and this lifestyle could very well be a form of coping that is comfortable, safe and readily available. The trick is in recognizing the importance to allow for balance in coping so as to, "avoid avoiding," life and responsibilities.

To answer your question: I think for me, this is a form of dissociation or another means to cope with an otherwise painful reality. I went through multiple traumas over the past couple years and I have been escaping just to survive. It has been hell. Video games are extremely engaging and my mind is quickly distracted when I play really stimulating games. While there are certainly healthier ways to manage pain and cope, I think this is a method that does work but needs balance.

Like all things in life, there are pros and cons. Video games are fun, readily available, something you can do on your own, relatively inexpensive, etc... But they CAN also lead to isolation, lack of exercise, lack of socializing, avoidance of responsibilities...

Everyone uses escapism to cope in their lives. In some ways you could use the word escapism with distraction interchangeably; which is a good coping skill when you are unable to do something about an issue at the time, but if you fall back into the same old pattern of escapism / distracting, it can become avoidance. Avoidance is certainly another means of coping and sometimes it is effective in the short-term, but in the long-term it can exacerbate the problem and add more problems to the mix (such as secondary emotions like agitation and guilt / shame).

Interesting you wrote that you get agitated when you are playing games... Do you think that you could be experiencing ambivalence / cognitive dissonance in regards to wasting time escaping versus tending to your life / future?

I get angry and triggered and feel lots of guilt and shame for not doing something productive, especially when I am playing video games! I have been thinking about this a lot lately, trying to understand why I am so hard on myself. Perhaps it is my adult-self trying to overrule my little-self to go and be responsible and tend to my neglected future. I am aware that my mind makes judgments about what I "should" be doing instead of gaming, and then I start to feel guilt and shame, which ultimately leads to an unpleasant gaming experience...

I find that when I spend more time exercising or in doing things that allow me to move forward in life, I can come back to the gaming and enjoy it. Perhaps some balance will help you feel less agitated so you can play video games and relax at the same time. Gaming really is as much a form of escape as it is entertainment and leisure, in other words: it is supposed to be enjoyable. As much as it can distract, it is also an activity that has very little physical activity and thus, our resilience can go down. I don't know about you, but I find I am least emotional when I am physically active...

One thing I have been working on lately is trying to game mindfully. It is extremely hard to do. I suggest trying it. Perhaps this will help too.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you for your reply. I woke up just now and i feel so depressed. The suicidal feelings are slipping in and i do have an extreme guilt for wasting my life playing a game and neglecting things in real. I just moved recently and i have barely unpacked or kept my place clean. I have to do it today before my dad comes round and sees that i have done nothing . i don't know where i am going to find the motivation from.
Playing the game its self doesnt make me feel agitated . it is when i have to stop playing the game to do real life stuff that i get agitated. I guess i really can not cope with real life at all. But I am sad that my real life is suffering and being neglected .

I've withdrawn from life, mostly because it is too painful. I'm on disability benefits so i'm able to spend my time peacefully with my dog. I've tried therapy: been kicked out of day hospital, fired by psychiatrists. I tried marriage: my husband divorced me. I just don't play well with others. I accept that and make the most of a solitary life.