[HUNGRYSwan]

I'm not goning to think too hard about what to write here i'm going to live in the moment and let it flow. I've had a breakthrough recently I want to share with you. If you have been diagnosed with BPD this may make sense to you. It could seem like common sense but that's also the point. Try and approach with an open mind and maybe I can help you. Or brighten an otherwise sullen day.

So this weekend I have realised something. I've never been able to put my finger on it before. It's as though my brain wouldn't allow the thoughts to form. I could describe my thinking before this weekend as emotionally and physically constipated. So torn and fragmented with possibilities that's it was better to stay still. To not move at all.

I see now. That idea BPD sufferers have of being a fragmented person. Good or Evil. It allows no room for compromise or growth. The pain is too great. A lot of us have suffered so much in our early/young lives we have built our defences sky high. It's better to feel nothing than to comprehend the pain we're in right?

I know the pain I personally felt was crippling. 'Someone didn't call me back.. I HATE THEM. CAUSE THEY HATE ME.' Believe me I lived like this for more than a decade. I am now 26. You know what? It still hurts. I feel it building as I type. But I stared into the void. You know what clicked into place? The trauma we suffered in early life has nothing to do with the reality. Sounds obvious doesn't it? Well it's the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn. And now I know life will be immeasurably better.

What I'm trying to tell you, you gorgeous people. Is that What ever happened to you that created feelings of shame and low self worth was not your fault. And you know what? I love you all. We are some of the strongest people on the planet to live with a disorder as debilitating as ours.

Things will get better. Support each other always.

[Fuzzybear]

[Unrigged64072835]

Thank you for sharing!

[Lonlin3zz]

I love you, you're planting new seeds to start growing out of the old cycle that inflicted torment to us

[HUNGRYSwan]

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

I love you, you're planting new seeds to start growing out of the old cycle that inflicted torment to us

Know that i do love you. I always will. We have never met but I deel your sufferering. Always remember That I love you. Always

Interestingly, I was thinking along the same lines. I was thinking,as long as I see myself as a BPDer, I'm going to continue to hate myself. I talked a little to my T and asked if it could be relational trauma. He's more of a DID kind of person so I don't think he thinks that. Relational trauma includes when our parents don't accept parts of themselves so they can't accept like parts of ourselves. I think people who are hypersensitive, that it feels traumatic. THis thought helps me NOT hate myself. I don't think things always gave to be done with malice (although theymight have been) for it to be trauma. This makes me forgive myself for how I've acted in the past, etc. Not sure if this helps any, but thank you so much for your post!