[MissCathryn]

My kids deserved a mom that was well. I'm going to be just like my mother (paranoid schizophrenic, etc). She did her best but all I really remember of her is her sleeping. Heavy meds she was on. Tried to kill herseld once when I got home from school.
Anyway, I'm 45 and although I had a pretty bad childhood, I knowy.mom did her best. I was always so sympathetic to her.

My kids will remember me that way. She did her best , but it wasn't her fault she was sick. That's why we moved a million times, why mom slept a lot , why mom couldnt ever complete something she starts, why mom never had money to do things, why mom had a lot of trouble following through with things, why she was married 3x, why she had awful credit, why she can only manage to work part time, why she always had menial jobs, why she always had to take so many pills, why she wasn't like other moms , why she wanted so much for herself and us, but just couldn't manage to get it, why she lived in guilt 24/7 (they don't know that now, but they'll figure it out eventually), why she couldn't cut living alone and ended up moving back in with dad (who she divorced in 2003) and lives in the basement bc living alone is too hard and costs too much.

Most of their classmates will have done memories of their mom. Maybe their mom went to college and has a great job. Their mom loves herself and her life.

My kids didn't deserve to be saddled with all this hell. Just like I didn't deserve it. I deserved a normal mom too, ut I didn't get it

Please don't feel compelled to reply. This was just a huge vent. It helps to know that most people here can completely relate to my situation.

I have always had great plans for myself. College, great career, healthy, fit, lots of hobbies and friends.

I have none of it. I'm 46..too late to get started in college and start some kind of career.

Is anyone else jealous and sometimes bitter bc you see so many ppl you went to school with leading fabulous lives. Great career, great house, kids, vacations, pampering f, awesome cars, etc. How did they do it? I guess I knew how to, I just couldn't do it

You're never too old to go back to school, there are many middle aged and even some elderly people who will go back to school and get their degree. I am also a "late bloomer", as in, I didn't get my degree when most people do right after high school (I'll be going back to college in a year and a half, but that is still quite a while off. I'll be 26). 46 is definitely not too old.

I have a mom and a dad. My dad raised us 3 kids by himself while going through mental health issues. We didn't have a lot of money, so extracurricular activities and good healthy food weren't common in our household. The house was often very messy. My mom left us when I was 4, and my siblings were 7 and 2. I have SO much more respect and love for my dad, despite his struggles he did his best and I couldn't ask for more than that. I imagine your children may share my perspective someday about you.

If you ever want to chat/vent, feel free to PM me.

[Unrigged64072835]

I didn't raise my child that great either. She's 20 now and has depression and anxiety. She still comes to me to chat, ask questions, and vent about her life. Now that I'm stable I can focus on being there for her. She relied on her friends before and made a lot of mistakes. So did I. But we still love each other and work things out.

[Palbamick]

History repeats itself is true if you will not work for it. Then it's your fault, you've been there, you knew it, but still, you ended like your mom base on your story,

It is okay to vent here we are not here to judge you we are here to help, it's not too late for you 40+ is at its best and can still kick to change the pacing of your life.

[MissCathryn]

Thank you for the encouragement. That makes me feel better. They know I love them, and they love me. That's what it's most important

[Palbamick]

in addition to your last msg. The most important thing as a parent is to never show your weakness in front of your children, as your mother show you. you know the impact right
Be strong
Never give up
Smile and Always be happy what ever happens it absorbs the good mood and aura.