[Ms.Lizette]

I find myself using drinking as a coping mechanism very often. I do not consider myself an alcoholic because I don't need to drink, I can also self harm or "cope" in other bad ways, but drinking helps me cope without the direct self harm consequences.

Also, drinking makes me feel much better than self harming

I am worried though, because I don't want to end up with a liver problem.

I don't always drink more than the recommended, but I drink too much in one go, which isn't good either. Some weeks I do drink more than recommended, but then I have some clean weeks after to make up for it

I am worried I will end up an alcoholic though

I wish I could get better or die before that happens, this isn't working for me

Can you make a list of positive coping mechanisms and engage in those options when you are feeling low? It may also be helpful to keep alcohol out of the house before it becomes a problem.

[Paisley Cow]

i've been this place, where i'd drink to numb, not get drunk, just to desensitise. it's a habit you should try to steer clear of, as with alcohol dependency will come more issues, i've not had a drink for 18-20 months and feel much better for it, for sure i still think about alcohol on a regular basis but feel much more in control of it instead of it controlling me.
as with @scaredandconfused has mentioned list good coping techniques, and see if there are any you thing you could try before turning to the alcohol. don't try once and give up, they need to be tried on a regular basis,
all the best

[Ms.Lizette]

the only good thing that can sometimes measure up to the bad coping mechanisms is probably petting my cat (soon catS).

The intensity of the feelings is too strong for being able to engage in music playing or other things.