What am I going to do...

What am I going to do... I'm overwhelmed..

About to start denying myself again before getting to work I hope...

Disappear
Just wanna cry...

here is a thought. instead of denying yourself maybe think of this as wearing a different hat.

example when I am with my children I have to think, behave and say things one way versus when I am with my wife I think, behave, do and say things another way and when Im working I am yet again thinking, behaving, doing and saying things differently..

every human being since the dawn of time had different role or in todays language "hats" that they wear. its not denying oneself to change one way of being (one hat) for another. its normal and human...

you are going to work so you are now putting on your work hat. when you are home with your family you put on your home and family hat, when you are with your treatment providers you wear your at therapy and with the psychiatrists hat...

my point is maybe what you are fighting can change to a no fight by changing the wording.

that how I was able to move forwards instead of staying stuck when I thought on many occasions I had to deny or hide who and what I truly was.

it was my therapist that helped me to understand about everyone naturally wears different "hats" that just because we change how we are depends on those around us and what we need to do doesnt ........have...... to be in terms of black and white denying self. it can be as simple as changing hats, coats and mittens.

just something that helped me that might help you, in this transition for you as you go back to work and have to leave your other hat at home.

Thanks

I've been trying to think About it Like that

But it's like I don't have control and the hat changes by itself when in the middle of somethin

I be fine and next think I know I am not ?
Like I'm being washed over by bad feelings and thoughts..
Does any of that make sense?

I don't know which one I am anymore

I just remember the goal... need to get independent, get my license, car, and my own house... a place I can truly call home, safe haven..