[sunshine247]

Hello everyone,

I would enjoy hearing different sides to an issue I'm facing now w/ my new roommate, who I don't live with yet as I'm moving.

I'm moving out of state & found a new roommate in a facebook roommate group for that particular city. We did Facetime & everything seemed to go well during our chat. After our chat it appeared to me she changed her tone a bit as her messages to me were more 'formal'. This could just be an incorrect observation on my end but this is not the main issue.

She told me her friend moved to my city & she would be visiting in a few weeks, and I mentioned we should hang out when she's in town. Then she arrived in my city & I sent her a message saying I'm down to hang out when she has some time.

About 5 days passed & I didn't hear from her, although saw her many facebook posts of her & her friends visiting/eating at different places. She was set to leave on the 7th day so I texted her asking her if she wanted to meet up before she left & she replied that she had plans that night & she was leaving back home the following day in the morning.

Then the next day I saw her many facebook posts of her hanging out in my city having dinner, so she lied about her plane departing in the morning.

I could understand if she was busy or had priorities to hang out w/ her friends, but I found it very childish, tacky & disrespectful that she 1) didn't even find it important to carve out a bit of time to hang out w/ her new roommate & 2) that she had the audacity to post pics on facebook of her dinner knowing I would see this & realize she wasn't being honest.

To me, it shows a real lack of respect & maturity, as she could of handled it in a more courteous manner. I also see it as a potential red flag as respect, honesty & maturity are very important to me. It also makes me doubt that she's the right roommate for me.

Any thoughts on this & how would you handle it?

[Skeezyks]

Hello sunshine: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. Should you be planning to hang in here with us, beyond this one post, (we hope you do) you might consider introducing yourself in the New Members Introductions forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

Yes, I would agree with you this individual's behavior raises a number of red flags. Unfortunately, I don't know as there is any real way to get to the bottom of this, so to speak. You could message her & express your concerns & reservations. But there's no way to know whether or not the responses you'll get will really change anything.

I guess if you communicate your concerns, & the responses you get are argumentative or defensive, then perhaps that would help to solidify your decision not to room with this person. But, on the other hand, it's also possible the answers you receive could be conciliatory but, once you move in with this person, you'll find that your initial impression was correct & you'll wish you had "trusted your gut", as the saying goes.

I suppose, to some extent, part of what the question comes down to is how feasible it is for you to find another person to room with. And then, of course, the other problem is that you could find another person to room with & run into unexpected problems with that person too. So there may simply be no clear-cut answers here. You didn't mention what the timeline is for this move. If there's time, perhaps you could leave your current arrangements in place for a while &, in the meantime, also look around for other possible options. Then, if you don't find anything you think would be better, you can still go ahead with your current plan. Good luck!

[sunshine247]

Thank you Skeezyks for your thoughtful reply & suggestions, I will consider everything carefully.

[Fuzzybear]