[Eleny]

I am in a relationship and it’s very early days but I’m already experiencing massive insecurity. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend likes one of his girl friends and I keep getting extremely upset and angry and bringing it up. He said it’s getting too much now. Today I got so angry I kicked a door very hard 3/4 times and I just can’t handle this feeling. Does anyone have any methods for dealing with these feelings or can maybe relate? I tried to soothe myself by breathing and telling myself I can’t control what someone else thinks or feels which helped briefly but then all the bad feelings come back and I feel too overwhelmed to be able to self soothe, I keep feeling sick and angry. It’s really hard.

Originally Posted by Eleny

I am in a relationship and it’s very early days but I’m already experiencing massive insecurity. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend likes one of his girl friends and I keep getting extremely upset and angry and bringing it up. He said it’s getting too much now. Today I got so angry I kicked a door very hard 3/4 times and I just can’t handle this feeling. Does anyone have any methods for dealing with these feelings or can maybe relate? I tried to soothe myself by breathing and telling myself I can’t control what someone else thinks or feels which helped briefly but then all the bad feelings come back and I feel too overwhelmed to be able to self soothe, I keep feeling sick and angry. It’s really hard.

I think in order to be attractive to a guy--you need to be confident/proud of some area of your life.

With the first boy that I really crushed on (and he took me on some dates ), I sometimes went to his house and played poker with his mom and him on their porch while sports like the New York Yankees were playing on their TV. A neighbor girl who was much prettier than me would come over and visit briefly when I was there. It was obvious that she also had a crush on the same boy. He was just so nice (a real gentleman), easy going and macho.

My attitude was I was afraid to ask about this girl. I just didn't want to know. I felt lucky that he took any interest in me at all and just enjoyed when I was with him. In college, I never had any confidence in my sex appeal but I took the attitude to just focus on what I could pull off--like getting my college degree, doing fun things with my gfs, and staying in shape (getting my weight to where it should be).

It later became obvious that having a college degree and a good job was a real draw for many men. If you become successful at your career and develop an enjoyable social network--men will come! Get these things in order then choose the best relationship from one of the men that wants to be with you. You can only choose from someone who is attracted to you. When we are happy and successful it makes us more attractive but still we are only going to be attractive to some people. Chemistry just happens when we least expect it and from my POV it really cannot be forced.....

Originally Posted by Eleny

Today I got so angry I kicked a door very hard 3/4 times and I just can’t handle this feeling. Does anyone have any methods for dealing with these feelings or can maybe relate? I tried to soothe myself by breathing and telling myself I can’t control what someone else thinks or feels which helped briefly but then all the bad feelings come back and I feel too overwhelmed to be able to self soothe, I keep feeling sick and angry. It’s really hard.

The breathing and telling yourself you can't control others is good. Maybe try to channel that anger into something like running, swimming laps or hiking? Journal about it or go to therapy. If you feel sick and angry, people can sense it and it will drive some people away so it would be worth it to get therapy for it if these feelings will not go away....

[LittleEarthquakes]

Yeah it's hard when we are possessed with a feeling like that. Maybe giving yourself a small "time out" before it escalates where you and your significant other spend a few minutes/an hour alone. And let the emotion come when you're by yourself. And when you're calm and ready to talk, and he's ready, go out and talk.