[Anatta]

Each day, I fear that I have done something wrong. There is a nagging fear that my partner will leave me.

Until recently, I wasn't able to admit that my partner could do his own thing: I wasn't as in control as I thought. Even more so, I can't see past the fact that I am not a burden on my boyfriend. It feels bad to write this, but I often wonder why he stays with me. To me, it seems that people will eventually get tired of me.

I am beginning to deal with this well. Very well compared to where I've been.

I was wondering if anyone struggled with abandonment fears. I feel like a terrible person for having them. Why can't I be like everyone else?

I was wondering if there was anyone else on this forum with Borderline Personality Disorder. How have your romantic relationships been?

[MickeyCheeky]

I have never experienced this, Anatta, but I understand how you feel It's not easy when you're struggling like this. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now. Just remember that there's nothing wrong with you and that your boyfriend loves you. You just need to work on yourself a little bit. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us. But just because you think something is true it doesn't mean it is! Please remember that. Take care of yourself. You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be helped and to be loved. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this

[Calypso2632]

I've never been diagnosed with BPD but I never feel good enough, and constantly feel like my boyfriend is going to find someone better. I have the total fear of abandonment. I'm understanding in life is that everybody leaves. My family left, my ex's left, most of my friends left... you see what I mean. I just thought I'd chime I.n and let you know you are not alone in your feelings..

[callingforthesun]

i feel the same way... every time i do something "wrong" im sure this is the time hes gonna leave. i beat myself up mentally all the time and have convinced myself that i will die alone in a gutter (im on disability and am afraid i will just die from poverty)

[Anatta]

I relate to both of you, Calypso and callingforthesun.

Right now, things are really bad. I feel like I am going insane as I am going through a benzo withdrawal.

I'm honest with my boyfriend, but my honesty turns into an accusatory nature. I have to watch my thoughts and what I say... But not too much...

[Anatta]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I have never experienced this, Anatta, but I understand how you feel It's not easy when you're struggling like this. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now. Just remember that there's nothing wrong with you and that your boyfriend loves you. You just need to work on yourself a little bit. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us. But just because you think something is true it doesn't mean it is! Please remember that. Take care of yourself. You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be helped and to be loved. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this

Thank you!

[MotherHen]

Anatta, when I read your post I just had to respond. I am the partner of someone with BPD. He suffers from severe abandonment issues and we have been working on this extensively lately. Whenever anything irritates me or I express an interest in an activity that doesn't include him, he becomes dissociated and detached which then leads to the abandonment spiral.

I just want to reassure you and everyone else out there, that abandonment issues are a very real thing and that as a couple you CAN work through them together. I have to constantly reassure my husband that I am here and committed and always willing to hear his feelings - that is MY JOB as his partner. His job is to be honest about how he is feeling - my job is to make sure that he understands that I am not going anywhere and that we BOTH have space for our feelings and needs.

It's a tough road - this abandonment thing. I have had to become understanding in ways that I did not know I had within me. Love is inspiring in it's own right, though, and you can find it with honest communication - I truly believe that. All the best to you!!!

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by MotherHen

Anatta, when I read your post I just had to respond. I am the partner of someone with BPD. He suffers from severe abandonment issues and we have been working on this extensively lately. Whenever anything irritates me or I express an interest in an activity that doesn't include him, he becomes dissociated and detached which then leads to the abandonment spiral.

I just want to reassure you and everyone else out there, that abandonment issues are a very real thing and that as a couple you CAN work through them together. I have to constantly reassure my husband that I am here and committed and always willing to hear his feelings - that is MY JOB as his partner. His job is to be honest about how he is feeling - my job is to make sure that he understands that I am not going anywhere and that we BOTH have space for our feelings and needs.

It's a tough road - this abandonment thing. I have had to become understanding in ways that I did not know I had within me. Love is inspiring in it's own right, though, and you can find it with honest communication - I truly believe that. All the best to you!!!

Don’t forget about your own needs either so you will be stronger for him and yourself. And it’s very important that he does also his part.
Thanks for being so understanding.
The truth is that replies like yours, makes one feels grateful to a part of people. :-)

[AzulOscuro]

Anatta, I only want to tell you that I do understand you. It’s part of this disorder believing that you are gonna be abandoned, and that when this happens, you are not gonna be able to survive. All are mind’s tricks. I know you and everyone can feel sadness and grief bc of a loss. It’s normal. But you are a whole person. You don’t need anyone. You are lucky to share your life with your partner. Enjoy it.
I know fears are hard to avoid but try it. With therapy, your own research and such. But try it.

[Anatta]

Originally Posted by MotherHen

Anatta, when I read your post I just had to respond. I am the partner of someone with BPD. He suffers from severe abandonment issues and we have been working on this extensively lately. Whenever anything irritates me or I express an interest in an activity that doesn't include him, he becomes dissociated and detached which then leads to the abandonment spiral.

I just want to reassure you and everyone else out there, that abandonment issues are a very real thing and that as a couple you CAN work through them together. I have to constantly reassure my husband that I am here and committed and always willing to hear his feelings - that is MY JOB as his partner. His job is to be honest about how he is feeling - my job is to make sure that he understands that I am not going anywhere and that we BOTH have space for our feelings and needs.

It's a tough road - this abandonment thing. I have had to become understanding in ways that I did not know I had within me. Love is inspiring in it's own right, though, and you can find it with honest communication - I truly believe that. All the best to you!!!

What a touching and inspiring post! Thank you so much for sharing! I'll give my boyfriend a hug now

[AzulOscuro]

...................wrong post. Sorry! Lol!

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Anatta

What a touching and inspiring post! Thank you so much for sharing! I'll give my boyfriend a hug now

Very true!

[MDDBPDPTSD]

I only read the original post that started this thread. I don’t have any romantic involvement and I don’t want any. That being said, I do feel like a burden to others, my family and friends. I don’t belong anywhere and I just don’t understand what my purpose could possibly be. I am just here. Breathing air, drinking water and eating food. I take up space and I am just so tired of being where I don’t belong.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( hugs to all ))))))))))

[Caprinaholic]

I always feel like the people who are friends with me or like me just don't know me well enough, and if I really open up they'll realize what a terrible person I am. (And comments certain people have made about BPD without knowing I am haven't helped.) I'm currently in a relationship and my boyfriend is fairly supportive - to the extent he can be, because of his own problems - but he's kind of been skirting the borderline issue since I told him, and I'm worried that he doesn't want to admit to or address what that entails.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Originally Posted by notmyrealname567

I always feel like the people who are friends with me or like me just don't know me well enough, and if I really open up they'll realize what a terrible person I am. (And comments certain people have made about BPD without knowing I am haven't helped.).

I feel the same way.
I have largely isolated myself from people because of this. Therapists tell me that is not a healthy way to handle this, but it sure does cut down on the abuse when there is no one around to abuse me. And I don’t need to worry about who finds out what a horrible person I am because there is no one around.

I hope everything works out well for you with your boyfriend. I hope all of us with BPD find the most comfortable place for us to be and we are able to stay there.

[Alexa Creata]

Originally Posted by MotherHen

Anatta, when I read your post I just had to respond. I am the partner of someone with BPD. He suffers from severe abandonment issues and we have been working on this extensively lately. Whenever anything irritates me or I express an interest in an activity that doesn't include him, he becomes dissociated and detached which then leads to the abandonment spiral.

I just want to reassure you and everyone else out there, that abandonment issues are a very real thing and that as a couple you CAN work through them together. I have to constantly reassure my husband that I am here and committed and always willing to hear his feelings - that is MY JOB as his partner. His job is to be honest about how he is feeling - my job is to make sure that he understands that I am not going anywhere and that we BOTH have space for our feelings and needs.

It's a tough road - this abandonment thing. I have had to become understanding in ways that I did not know I had within me. Love is inspiring in it's own right, though, and you can find it with honest communication - I truly believe that. All the best to you!!!

When I read your comment I started to cry. I am going to a very hard moment.... I was the partner of a person that probably has BPD but his symptoms aree so bad..... I am lost now.... Can I give you the URL to the thread I have posted on this forum but another thread please so you can read my story. I would need to know the advice of a person that is the partner of a BPD

[GoldenSnitch]

Fear of abandonment is a hallmark of bpd. I’m always afraid that I’m not good enough and people are going to walk away from my life - and they usually do! It takes me a long time to trust anyone. I’m single now and have been for 3 years and I’m trying to accept the fact that I’ll probably be alone forever. And I can’t make a friendship last to save my life.