[insideout]

I was talking to my doctor about bulemia and I said how can I be bulemic if I'm just trying to get skinnier. He said, "you can be overweight and still have bulemia." now I feel even fatter and it's not helping me not want to use more laxatives.

Do you think tho that maybe your doctor was not calling *you* overweight, but that your doctor was just stating a fact, to point out that bulimic behavior is still bulimic behavior whether you are underweight, healthy weight or overweight? To me that is what it sounds like your doctor was trying to say.

What do you think, do you think you have bulimia, or do you really think you are just trying to loose weight? If you are using bulimic behavior to loose weight what is the real difference to you?

[insideout]

well.. i'm not super overweight. and I really hope I dont offend anyone here who may struggle with weight issues. sorry in advance...

Someone in pc mentioned that telling my size may be triggering. I dont understand but, ok.. thats why i put the trigger icon there....

I feel so huge and I hate it. I feel like a rolly polie and my clothes dont fit. i dont feel attractive and i have such a hard time losing this weight without resorting to bulemic methods.

so ya, i might be bulemic, my doctor thinks so. he had me on diet pills but they didnt work.

this is stressing me out so much i cant even breathe right now.

Ok, well ya we aren't allowed to give numbers because it does trigger behavior for people.

I don't know your height either so sizes don't really help much either. But you know how to check your BMI or to ask your dr what a healthy weight for someone you age and height is. Sizes don't matter that much cause you know, I'm five feet tall, I am not going to be the same size as someone who is 5'8. Going even slightly into the underweight zone had immediate health consequences.

What I'm concerned about is that you are engaging in behavior that is completely unhealthy and dangerous for your body. And more worrying is that you are engaging the whole thought process behind it too. What a dangerous combination.

It really is like playing with fire. No one wins this unless they stop and get out of the game. When you or if you reach your goal size, then what? Do you think you will feel satisfied and content? Cause you probably won't. It will always be more more more. I'm not speaking from any judgment either, I've been doing this almost my entire life. I just don't wish anyone else to go down this path, it's extremely hard to make a comeback.

If your dr thinks you are bulimic why on earth did he give you diet pills? Talk about adding fuel to the fire. The thing with these disorders is that it isn't all about size and weight. It's mostly about thought process and disordered thinking.

What do you think is driving this, is it self esteem, worth, appearance, or is there more going on behind this. That's what you need to look at. For me it's a few compounded issues. I'm a perfectionist, I use my food as a means for control, and it's also an esteem and self worth problem. I started when I was five, for control, I had a very hard abusive childhood and I felt like I could control one thing and that was food. Then it grew, listening to my father constantly criticizing my mother and sister over their exess weight. I got the message loud and clear ~ worth comes from weight. The perfectionism comes into play too, I'm not going to fail at anything, not anorexia, not anything. Knowing what is your driving force is the very heart of the matter, I can build my self esteem, but I still desire control, I also have bipolar, which takes away my feeling of control.. That feeds into my need to restrict my diet. From all I've read there is usually more going on than just feeling fat.

So what do you think your reasons are behind this? Because no matter how much you weigh unless you fix these underlying problems the feelings attached won't leave, even when you reach that goal.

[JustWannaDisappear]

It's probably best to speak to a therapist that specializes in EDs and see a dietician. I am 29yrs old and have been bulimic since I was 15. I now have a damaged esophagus among other health problems.

The fact that you said your Dr gave you diet pills but still said you are bulimic makes zero sense to me. Either your Dr is an idiot or there was a misunderstanding. Either way, finding someone who specializes in EDs would be the best thing you can do. I've seen some pretty crappy Drs that didn't understand EDs. Keep searching for one you are comfortable with and is able to help you.

Good luck.

[insideout]

Ya, he prescribed me Phentermine for weight loss because he didn't want me to have to use my starvation or bulemic methods to lose the weight. The pills didnt make me lose weight but they made me feel like a zombie and raised my blood pressure so I had to stop them.

I like the idea of going to a dietician who can really teach me how to think of food and how to just think of food like it's not my worst enemy.

I see a dietician at the hospital. She's very nice and understanding of eating disorders. I also go to an eating disorder clinic, all out patient. They help you sort out your problems, challenge your thinking and help you work on past and current issues and weight gain. Mostly they focus on your thought process.

I think it would be really beneficial for you to seek out some help with this. I like seeing the dietician because I feel like I'm at least sort of accountable to answer to someone. Of course I'm not really, but that's how I see. I don't like letting people down so I try a little harder , knowing I will have to report back to her. She never acts dissappointed tho. She helps make sure that I am getting the right nutrition if not from food from supplements, she also helped me secure extra money from a nutritional supplement program because I'm on disability and cannot afford the added nutritional costs. All in all it has been a good experience.

Dietitians don't deal with the thoughts towards foods tho, they might help a little but they are not trained in that. They will make sure you know what you are required for food and nutritional intake. They will make sure that if you are malnourished that you know how and are getting the right things to correct this. Seeing some one additional for therapy who specializes in eating disorders would be your best combination. My psychiatrist got me into the Ed clinic because it is beyond his scope as well, not that he does any therapy anyways. But you need to find someone who has a good grasp on Ed's.