Running Water (may be triggering)

So I'm Kelly and I've struggled with bulimia since 15 to the present of twenty-five. Back a year and a few months ago I was extremely sick due to gallstones. So I went to a few specialists, and ended up having surgery to remove my gallbladder. I was certain that after being that sick all the time that I would have been "cured". Or at least the urges would stop, or lessen greatly and I'd be able to conquer them.
Well for a few months I did really good. But all of a sudden something snapped and I don't know what triggered it but all I've done is tried to purge. I've been close to doing it a few times, gotten caught in lies about what I was doing, or why the water was running. I've gotten past the "questions" a few times, but now I'm trying to cover up lies and it hurts that i know what i'm doing and it's wrong. I just don't know how to get the urges to go away. I know purging is an unhealthy thing, but it is something that i have control over and its a form of punishment...i just don't know. please any words of advice would be great. thanks.

kelly

You need to see a professional for it as soon as possible. Purging can lead to some really troublesome things, so the earlier you get it out of your system, the better.

Purging is one of the hardest behaviors to break. I have gone a couple of years without doing it and then back to multiple times a day. I understand when you say it is a form of self-punishment, it is often the thought that goes through my head when I am about to do it. I've found that it is just one of those things that the more time in between purges, the less the urge to act on it. It is so hard when you are in the midst of that cycle but it is possible to slow it down and make it a distant memory....hugs

The only thing I could suggest is to talk about it. Once you have broken the secrecy that comes with it, people tend to notice a lot more and can maybe help. I know it's crappy advice and a bit hypocritical of me because I myself purge and many other things associated with bulimia. Your doc would be a good starting place and they can maybe refer you to an Eating Disorder clinic. Good luck.