In restriction mode

I'm in restriction mode and my stomach is dying for food right now, but I know that if I eat I'm going to binge and purge...I know I will. I'm stuck in this constant hell in my mind of wanting food and wanting to be skinny and lose weight. I have been bulimic going on 10 years now..it started when I was 14. My T asked me on monday how much I weighed at the end of session and told me to bring in my scale to next week's session...she didn't tell me for what exactly, but I feel like she is going to want me to weigh myself in front of her. I don't know if I can go there because that is so private for me...I can barely get on the scale at the doctor's office. I'm so scared to do so also because I don't want her to be upset if I weigh less from what I did this past monday.

I understand totally. I couldn't get on the scales in front of anyone. Keep strong. I am in the same situation re restriction. I guess maybe safer than abusing laxatives? I don't know - I just wanted to offer support.