The worst its ever been

I have been suffering from anorexia for nearly 20 years. A new issue with bulimia has emerged and it's like I can't stop throwing up. I think i threw up 20 times every day for the last week and a half. how can i just STOP? does anyone have any ideas? It's like i'm making up for lost time. Has anyone experienced this? how did they get out of the hole? I canceled a date to stay home and throw up.

I'm with you on this one... I feel like I don't have any desire to do anything else anymore but binge and purge... It's the only thing i look forward to doing... It's my reward, my stress release.. I too cancel things to sit at home and binge and purge until I am so exhausted from it that I go to bed... Then in the morning I have no desire to get out of bed because I know that it's going to happen all over again.. :/ I literally feel like i can't stop eating to save my own life..

I look forward to the fact that when I eat I can go purge immediately. Bingeing gives me something constructive to do with my time or so I think. I wish I had more time to devote to bingeing and purging.

If only there were easy answers to this. . .
What has worked for me in the past, no matter how hard it is, DON'T purge. If you binge, leave your house, call a friend, go out for coffee with people do what you have to make yourself cope with the guilt of binging and you will think twice next time yiu wanna binge if you eliminate purging as an option.
From there you have to cultivate a meal plan that will suit a weaning bulimic: several small snacks and meals a day. I would say eat 6-7 times spread out using whatever techniques you can to NOT purge, and then you work on your soothing techniques.
Things that wont make you feel bad about keeping food down like a walk or jog post meal and regular BMs so you don't feel like food is piling up in your tummy, so you def wanna incorporate fiber into your meal plan, and maybe even a probiotic like Align.
GL XO

Hi everyone. I am so so very sorry to hear you're all going through this. Bulimia is an addicting monster that's for sure.

Here is a link to the eating disorder hotline. You can also chat so you don't have to talk to anyone live:

What We Do | National Eating Disorders Association

Also, if you're into it, there's a website I used (you have to pay for it) which was really good when I wanted to get well.

Your First Step to Overcoming Bulimia Nervosa | Bulimia Help

I hope you all feel better really soon. PM me if you need to talk. I've been bulimic for 16 years. In recovery for one year.

First of all, I am so sorry you're going through this

I stopped about 7 years ago successfully. I still battle the mindset, but I can happily say the habits of not only purging, but constricting diet and over exercising is over. And while I of course gained weight, I am a MUCH much happier person.

How did I quit the purging behavior? I quit cold-turkey. I woke up one day, and never did it again. Of course it was not easy, ESPECIALLY at first. The habit was so ingrained I felt sick to my stomach after eating anything. I literally cried as my stomach ingested the food and I knew some was going to fat. I wanted nothing more than to bolt to the bathroom and purge. There were moments when I would be standing in front of the toilet, staring at it, wanting nothing more than to resume purging. But somehow I walked away. And I tell you, there is nothing more empowering than walking away from that toilet. I never purged again. After a week, the urge lessened. After another, even better. And after a full month it felt like a distant nightmare. I started off constricting my food, and still obsessing over my weight. As I said, the mindset is a slow slow process. I did gain weight, but my husband found me even more attractive than before, and people seemed to like the new "me" better (probably because they could sense I was happier).

As another poster mentioned, there is no easy answer, because the biggest hurdle in this is YOU. But I am proof that you have within you the key to stop. But you have to want to. BAD. For me the motivation was my son, who was 4 at the time. I didn't want him to have a bulimic mother. He deserved the best I could give him. I also have a VERY bulimic sister who still, after 15 years, keeps going at it, despite the repercussions on her children. Her health and life is in turmoil. She obsesses about weight and food constantly, and is obviously messed up and unhappy. She states she wants to quit, but blames the world around her for not being able to. There was no way I was going to be like that.

Some people mention avoidance of purging, by getting busy or going elsewhere, and I am sure that helps a lot. But to me, that is still going forward with the mindset of "If I don't go and do XYZ, I could still purge". And the bulimics I've known may stop for a little while with this strategy, but eventually resume. I think the key is confronting the scenario of YOU being the only thing between you and purging. Not driving around. Not being busy. If you can confront the perfect scenario to purge, and STILL walk away, then you are strong enough to stop.

So if you WANT to quit, you will quit. All it literally takes is never doing it again. Not easy, I know, but very attainable.

Good luck to you, and big hugs

Hi
I've been trying to recover from bulimia for a little over a year now and I think it's hard to say stop cold turkey especially because the nature of our ED is to be perfectionists so if one day we DO have a slip up then we will be even more angry with ourselves.
Something that I found helpful before binging or purging was to ask myself "what am I trying to communicate through my ED right now" and if I was able to pin point it (for example I want my Mom to know that I'm angry at her) then I would make that call instead. And I knew that I could always binge or purge after if I still wanted to but I usually didn't because I was taking care of the core issue.

For me it is the purging that feels good. I would eat anything. It could be a head of raw broccoli or a can of kidney Beans.......anything to feel full enough to purge. Everyone's Bulimia is different. You need to work with a professional to find out what is causing these urges. Is it because of painful loneliness, not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy, stress intolerance?

There can certainly be other ways that suit other people for certain. It is purely my opinion that whether by yourself, with therapy, at a treatment center, and after, one only needs to WANT bad enough to quit to stop the physical habit of purging for it to be a success ( of course mental is a whole nother kaboodle...). And by "WANT" I mean, wanting to stop more than you want whatever bulimia gives you. I know everyone wants to stop on some level.

Having dealt for 15 years with my bulimic sister, who has had all the best treatment from the best therapists, the best treatment centers, the best everything, none of it helped her the slightest (though again, that is just her, I am certain they help others just fine). Then I began to notice... In talking with her about it, there is ALWAYS and excuse and lies she told herself to make her habits and not quitting legitimate in her mind. "I don't have anyone to help me through it" "I can't be alone or it will happen so I won't bother trying" "I HAVE to do it when I get stressed" " I relapsed because I fought with my boyfriend and I couldn't help it" Etc. Etc. Finally I realized, she does not get better, because deep down, she does not WANT to get better. This same trait has existed in most bulimics/anorexics I have known. If they do not WANT to quit, they will not. In all her excuses she paints herself powerless to her disease, but the truth is, she is not. In every scenario she was the only one making herself walk to the bathroom and purge, so she CHOSE to. She was not powerless. She could have chosen otherwise if she really wanted to stop.

I also find many bulimics don't like to know they CAN "just stop" because they deep down don't want to let bulimia go, and they don't like knowing that the answer to their problem is in actuality all in their own hands, and that they're solely responsible, because the excuse of "I need XYZ to happen or I can't quit" is taken away from them, and they don't like that. I should know, I had excuses out the wazoo for a long time.

So yes, I totally agree one must find their own path to recovery, but I find it sad when people write off "cold turkey" as a legitimate choice because it can work for those who are ready. It is free, and could be started immediately... but only if you truly want it to stop.

I binge out of boredom. Then of course I have to purge or I will get fat. Sigh. I've binged and purged more in the last 6 weeks than I have in the last few years. I'm with you on wondering how to stop.