[musicflows]

I've never been able to admit this to anyone. I have bulimia. I've had it for 3 years now. You won't see it on my profile. I won't talk about it to anyone. It's my ultimate shame. I don't mind discussing depression and self-harm, but no one can know that I'm fighting this as well.

It gets so lonely sometimes that I wish it would kill me already. I can't admit that I have it to anyone, even though it's central to my struggle for my emotional well-being. I can't tell my therapist. The words won't come out. I can't tell my sister to whom I tell literally everything else. It's my darkest secret. And my heaviest burden.

I just keep hoping it will disappear on its own like the time I decided to stop biting my nails and succeeded. It's not like that, though. Not nearly.
Curse the monster!! WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!

[Aloneandafraid]

I understand, I don't know what more to say just that I understand how hard this is. You have made the first step by posting. Take care. Xx

[MoxieDoxie]

My husband does not know I have bulimia. He thinks I am in therapy for other reasons. T is banned from ever telling him not they he has ever met him. My T is the only one who knows. Anyway things have been good with symptoms. I am down to once a month. I made it 4 weeks for the first time in 11 years. I don't even know why.

[aern01]

musicflows--U have made a fantastic first step. Admitting U have a problem is key. U know it is a "central issue" to your emotional stability. Now the key is how do U get help? U said
that U can't tell your T b/c the words won't come out. Have U considered writing this down
& mailing it to your T,or writing it down & giving it to your T at the beginning or end of your
session?
I have suffered w/ anorexia & bulimia in the past as well as Major Depression,GAD,& BP traits. It took me many,many years to find the right combo of meds for my depression & lots of therapy. I have used writing to communicate w/ providers in the past. My psych doc is changing some of my meds. I am fortunate to have a great T. He allows me to e-mail
him when I'm in distress. This helps me get my thoughts out & keeps him up to date on what is happening w/ me when I'm not w/ him.
I hope U will think about this!!

[Aloneandafraid]

I have had a really bad year which has led me here and I eventually began seeing a T in April this year. I told her after about 2 months of seeing her. But things have got much worse recently and I cant tell her. Maybe I should write it down. She wants to refer me to a Dr but I don't want anyone else to know. Everything is falling apart around me (lost my job/multiple family bereavements this year) and I think I have reached a breaking point. My T hasn't said I can email her. I have text her today telling her how bad things are but I haven't had a reply. I am finding this more useful than therapy at the moment. Just feel so incredibly alone with this by the very nature of it being so secretive and invisible.

[aern01]

Aloneandafraid--U said that U have told your T about your bulimia. That's great. It is not surprising that your Bulimia is not great given your recent losses. I'm sure your T will not B
surprised either. I would encourage U to write, or text your T about your worsening bulimia.
Being referred to a doc might B the best thing 4 U,even though it is terrifying. I often think
back,& wonder if I had taken the help offered to me @ 19 yrs old if I would still B struggling
now(20+ yrs later). One point about texting your T being as helpful as seeing your T. If that
is true & not U simply being afraid to get honest w/ your feelings & your T, then maybe U need a new T. What good is it to have a T,if U aren't comfortable talking to them so that U can get better?? Hang in there!!! Life can get better!!!

please open up to your therapist , let him now what is going on. I have had and eating disorder for such a long time. I hid it for such a long time. and I destroyed my life. my health and my appearance. and my relationships.. now I think, my sister has one. and is hiding from me and I so desperately don't want her to go through the same thing. please, you don't have to be ashame. you wouldn't be ashamed if you had any other disease , its a disease. that's how I feel.. your sister loves you. she wont judge you. your therapist wants to help. you.. I don't know if you have figure it out yet, but your bulimia is what is helping you cope with something you cant cope with in your life. took me forever to get that into my head.. still there are times. I just think its about the weight.. please, talk to your therapist be truthful with him. and talk to your sister. even if its writing her a letter. she loves. you.. she will want to be there for you.. with whatever way you will let her..

[jigarspaceo]

My wife does not know that I am HSC failed!!